Posted by detroitpistons on March 1, 2009, at 12:13:47
In reply to Re: Lamictal optimal dosage, posted by n_wolfie on February 28, 2009, at 19:13:14
I know what you mean about feeling self conscious about being depressed. When I'm really depressed, I feel exactly the same way. I really have to force myself to appear interested in things and to try to muster a laugh or a smile if someone tries to say something funny. Sometimes I'm OK at masking the depression. People probably notice my anxiety because I tend to talk about the stupid little things that I get anxious about.
The isolation thing is the same with me. I withdraw from people. I feel like I'm dragging people down around me when I'm really depressed, so I keep to myself. It's just a whole lot of effort to try and be normal around people, so I save myself the energy.
What you said about the illness begetting the illness makes complete sense. Having insight into your disorder doesn't always help, especially if you have anxiety. When the anxiety starts creeping up (this usually precedes the depression), then I start worrying about the fact that I'm worrying, and that just makes everything worse. It's a snowball effect. I would definitely be better off if I wasn't conscious of my anxiety and/or depression.
> I know how confusing that was,so ask any questions if you need me to clarify., i'm disoriented and can't organize my thoughts (but my short term memory, remembering what i just read, losing keys etc is better, seems like there are two kinds of stupidity i'm dealing with). I'm atypical, so the depression gets worse as the day goes on, so i'm particularly out of it and dumb right now. having trouble getting out of bed. but with the atypical, human contact really helps a lot, talking on the phone, even seeing a movie and people on screen, helps, but it's almost impossible to force myself out of bed to do it, even though i know i have to. i can barely even take a shower. it's so hard, to know that i can make it even slightly better, but the depression prevents me from doing it, so i wind up isolating myself and feeling even worse!! plus i'm self conscious about the depressin and feel like everyone can tell, so i don't want to be around people, even though it helps the depression, so nobody really notices! It's like the illness begets the illness. I'm not sure that even made sense. and if someone came here and wanted to go with me, i could totally go.ok, i'm gig to force myself to take a shower, at the least.
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poster:detroitpistons
thread:881215
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20090223/msgs/883205.html