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Re: ECT...I am scared to death

Posted by BGB on July 3, 2008, at 0:55:28

In reply to Re: ECT...I am scared to death, posted by BGB on June 28, 2008, at 18:11:40

I re-read my post and I realized how anti-rTMS and how pro-ECT it was. I didn't mean it like that; I just wanted to justify my reasoning for one over the other.

I don't want to discount anyone's experiences with ECT, good or bad. I haven't had it so I don't know from first-hand knowledge, just from what I've read and been told by my doc. I know that many people have had horrible experiences, and I feel terrible about that. I have an idea of what the memory loss is like; I experienced memory loss due to lithium, and it was very debilitating at the time. It still haunts me today, twelve years later. I tell my friends the same stories dozens and dozens of times. They're used to it now.

Honestly, I hate to say this, but I really don't care if ECT does cause brain damage [DISCLAIMER: I am not saying that ECT does or does not cause brain damage!!!] and even more memory loss. I would love nothing more than to put a big fat bullet in my brain right now, so a little shock damage doesn't scare me in the least--it's got to be better than the bullet. That's pretty f'd up, huh? But, it really is how I feel and that sucks.

I did convince my doc to try an MAOI before we try ECT, so in a few weeks, once I've stopped all of my AD's, I'll be on something totally new (don't know what yet). I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it can help me avoid the big E, but if it doesn't they're gonna have to juice me up!

As for rTMS, if I had a whole bunch of money, I might consider it, but I'm apprehensive of spending that much money on something with such a low success rate. I am glad that it's out there and that there are doctors like mine that are performing it as I know it has helped many people. But it's just not for me right now.

Something that is very interesting to me is MST, Magnetic Seizure Therapy, which is a hybrid of ECT and rTMS. It basically uses a big magnet to cause a seizure just like ECT does, but without the electricity. You still have to be anesthetized and everything, but supposedly there are fewer side effects than with ECT. I can't find anywhere that does it, though. If anyone does, let us all know!!!




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