Posted by circusboy on November 18, 2007, at 10:32:47
In reply to Re: Nardil or SSRIs + Cognition, + LongTerm Memory, posted by Questionmark on November 15, 2007, at 2:02:34
> Yes, no, it FEELS like it's tied to the fact that being on these serotonergic drugs results in having memories that, as you said, "aren't so rich or intense". I guess that in itself equals a less clear memory. But even further, i'm afraid that after going so much time not thinking about your memories as clearly or emotionally or even frequently, they start to fade-- so that they become less clear, or even disappear (and even if and after one has discontinued the drug). But then I think, maybe this is inescapable, for maybe that is one of the (if indirect) antidepressant qualities of the drug-- to keep my past and my memories from entering my consciousness and depressing the ____ out of me. I don't know. I don't know if I'm explaining myself well. Damn it.
>
You're explaining yourself very well. You're an expressive writer. What you're saying makes perfect sense... and may very well be an effect that is therapeutic. Still, is it the whole story?When I quit the drugs, my memories and emotions felt a good bit more "real." For a time. And I had a much clearer perspective on a long-term relationship I'd recently (months prior) ended. I was so happy to be off Prozac. Just on some Ritalin, there was a general improvement in my cognition, etc., over some months. (Condensing a few other antidepressant trials between Prozac and this point out of the story). Then improvement stalled. Then I started backsliding. Yes, the emotional content of my memories were better... when I could manage to create them! I was so fuzzy-brained. Terrible recall. I could practically feel my hippocampus shrinking.
I don't regret quitting for a while, though. It gave me some perspective on my illness. It's not as bad as I thought it was. I have a mild chronic condition. Probably what they call "double depression," but with mostly shallow major depressive episodes (though I have had a couple of deep ones). I'm not crazy-neurotic-doomed like I thought I was. But to succeed in my life I probably do need some medical help.
> I dunno though. It also even seems like the experiences that I'm having while ON the drug become less vivid and detailed in my memory, too. It's like... I don't know.
> Ah shoot. I dunno.
> I guess I just want to know if this is normal or not. Cuz if it's normal-- for everyone, including those not on drugs-- then I can better accept it. If it's not normal and is actually the drugs; the Nardil... I can't accept it. So i'd just like to know.
>
> But you're right, my memory, as with my cognition, would probably not be any better at this point even if I quit my drug. Because then depression would be consuming my mind to the point of near paralysis.
> Ah i love this life.
>
Yeah... The drugs probably are screwing with some aspects of your memory. But they're probably helping with others. The subtle side-effects like these are the hardest to take, I think.-cb
poster:circusboy
thread:794524
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20071115/msgs/795737.html