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Re: I'm on Xanax » Meri-Tuuli

Posted by Quintal on August 22, 2007, at 12:28:51

In reply to Re: I'm on Xanax, posted by Meri-Tuuli on August 22, 2007, at 9:24:16

Yeah, I think I'm more aware that this feeling of carefree abandon is an illusion now. When I first took benzos it seemed as though a whole world had opened up to me, but not any more. I know it's a dead-end, albeit a highly fragrant and rose-tinted one. I took another 0.25mg last night, as my dad forgot to leave me the money to take into town yesterday, so I was supposed to go again today, but he forgot again. I got into bed and stared at the ceiling again, same as last night, no thoughts, just an empty head. Irritatingly, I seemed a little more alert for having taken it and couldn't get to sleep, so after an hour I got out of bed and took the rest of the tablet, 0.5mg, making last night's dose 0.75mg in total. So there we have it, dose escalation on the second night.

This is more or less what happened when I first started benzos, except the doctor that gave me my first script for lorazepam was off sick the next month, and I had to see another doctor to get a repeat. She reduced my dose from 4mg lorazepam to 4mg diazepam, probably thinking I wouldn't know the equivalences. Of course I felt no benefit from 4mg diazepam having adjusted to taking 4mg lorazepam (equivalent to 40mg diazepam); my anxiety came back with a vengeance and I started to get mild withdrawal symptoms. That's when the lying and deceiving and hoarding behaviors set in, partly in response to the lies and deception on the part of my doctor. Meet fire with fire was my policy - I made my next appointment with the doctor that gave me the first prescription, asked her to re-instate my lorazepam, and she did. That caused quite a bit of upheaval in the practice and between me and the doctors. And it all went from there.

I think Eminem was addicted to Vicodin, though he's probably taken everything under the sun by the sounds of it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXFcESaA8rE&mode=related&search=

I bought his album last year and listened to it all summer. I never really paid much attention to him at the height of his fame, felt quite a bit of antipathy towards him in fact, but listening to some of his songs, like the two below, and looking beyond the overt homophobia and sexism I think I understand him better. You know? Different times, different places. What's the chances of me being like him, and he, me if we switched?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJjtEG5ARK0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ov1hXfzR7Bk

Q


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poster:Quintal thread:777558
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070815/msgs/777811.html