Posted by Guy on May 21, 2007, at 13:36:36
First of all, let me say that I am not currently suicidal and have no plans to end my life in the immediate future. Nevertheless, I have recently noticed that I am gaining an acceptance of the fact that the unrelenting anxiety and panic I have experienced over the past eleven years may eventually take my life. In other words, my fear of death seems to be subsiding as I become more resigned to my fate. After all, I would just be returning to where I came from, and what's so scary about that? My poor aunt, who suffered terribly from some horrible upset of her brain chemistry didn't hesitate in bringing it all to an end. I saw her shortly before her death and now understand perfectly why she made the choice she did. No suffering in the world can be more unbearable than the type of electrical storm that was going on in her central nervous system. I'm just wondering if others sometimes reach a point of pure exhaustion and defeat where they no longer care if they ever wake up again...where the will to live is all but extinguished. Again, please do not see this as a last, desperate call for help. I'm just wondering, on a spiritual level, if others feel this way and how they deal with it.