Posted by Racer on April 28, 2007, at 20:30:21
In reply to Am I just a depressive person, posted by jenny80 on April 28, 2007, at 16:38:30
Of course, there's a chance that I'm wrong, but that hasn't happened yet -- no reason to think it would start now ;-)
Seriously, though --
No, you probably aren't somehow wired to be depessive as a personality type. WHat you're describing sounds much more like someone who has suffered from some form of depressive/anxious disorder for a long time. GirlInterupted has already said that sounds like her experience, and it sounds like mine, too. Until the first time an anti-depressive worked for me, I thought I was just a miserable failure as a human being, and someone no one would ever like, let alone love.
Guess what? Not true, on any of those counts.
So, you've tried the SRIs, and the big two MAOIs. You say that you've had side effects, but no relief? The more details you can provide, the more chance someone here can offer specific advice. Here's some general advice, though: there really is hope. The depression you're experiencing makes it close to impossible to see that hope, but that's the depression. Really and truly, cross my heart and -- well, I won't say that -- but there really and truly is hope. The problem is that it can be so hard to see it, and it seems as though all the problems with meds make them worse than the disorder, etc.
So, I can't tell you what helped me in that regard. Probably nothing particularly profound. Maybe it was just curiosity, "what will happen next?" At times, I certainly made deals with myself -- "if this doesn't work, I can do it then..." But whether you can see it or not, there are people who care about you, whose lives would be diminished if you weren't here. I hope you'll choose to keep trying. And I say that knowing how hard that is.
By the way, my last depressive episode started in 2003. I've finally found a medication combo that seems to be working adequately. I do know how awful it is to keep trying, without luck.