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The social anxiety is still there

Posted by Malcolm64 on April 19, 2007, at 23:49:19

At times, I feel as though I can act normally; you wouldn't think there was a problem with me. But then other times, the social anxiety takes over to the point where I can't think straight (like on job interviews, meeting famous people, talking to people whom I don't know that well).

Last night I went to an incredible piano recital by Evgeny Kissin. For those of you who aren't into classical music, Kissin is the wunderkinder of the piano world. The concert he gave was just amazing. Well, after the concert was over, they had a table set up outside the Kennedy Center concert hall where Mr. Kissin would sign autographs. So I got in line, and when it came for my turn for him to autograph the program, I meant to ask him whether he plans to record a CD of just his encores. Instead, I blurted out something incoherent, which embarrassed me tremendously.

So it's times like that that as well as job interviews where I feel put on the spot and it's almost as if my brain completely shuts down and I can't think straight. I sometimes think that I'm stupid (and I know that's been the impression that I've left on people in the past).

When I was on Nardil a year ago, I experienced a miracle where I had no inhibitions whatsoever. I was hypomanic, but not in a crazy way, just in the most wonderful way imaginable. For four str8 weeks, I woke up happy feeling for the first time that nothing was out or reach for me: being the head of a nonprofit, taking a leadership position at some organization. Just everything and anything that I had always thought I couldn't do was now miraculously within reach.

But then the drug's effectiveness diminished to the point where it wasn't having any effect whatsoever. So I stopped it. But I'll always have memories of those few weeks when the Nardil peaked which will remain the happiest I've ever had.

I've been reading that the version of the Nardil that is not as effective as it's previous incarnation. Does anyone know anything about this?

I'm most likely going to go on Parnate when I see my doc next Tuesday, and I'm looking for another miracle. Hopefully, it's positive effects will be more sustained indefinitely. The last thing I want to experience is the let down of a drug that is working so wonderfully but then suddenly stops.

I guess I'm rambling, but I just felt the need to get this off my chest.

Any thoughts would be most welcomed.

Best-
Malcolm


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Psycho-Babble Medication | Framed

poster:Malcolm64 thread:751490
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070419/msgs/751490.html