Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
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Re: Update! KayeBaby

Posted by jealibeanz on April 11, 2007, at 12:42:56

In reply to Re: Update! jealibeanz, posted by KayeBaby on April 11, 2007, at 11:44:05

Thanks for the advice. It helps to know that others have gone through the same thing.

Revealing myself is hard. The first time I sought treatment was when I was 19, but I've been under the care of my PA or doc now for 1.5 years continuously, monthly. It's especially hard when I can't even find a stable plan. I just feel defective.

I know doctors are real people. Going through my own medical education has really shown me that. Doctors are not gods. They have thoughts, feelings, and flaws. During lecture they joke, complain, talk about their fears and feelings, and are noooowhere near perfect.

I've learned this also over the last year and a half, with my doctor and PA. The more I see them, the more of the real person they let me see. I was really honored when I realized that I was beginning to be treated slightly like a peer, not just a person off the street in the officee.

Plus, the more I see them, the more I see their mistakes or shortcoming. I've asked questions or presented a problem with a medication before, and gotten a very honest answer of, "I don't know."

My doctor isn't the best practitioner in the world. He misses things, lots of things, with me and my family. Or, he doesn't always pick up on the severity of something I'm conveying to him.

I've stuck with him because he's so incredibly nice and caring with me. When I'm in his office, he listens to every word I say and he makes me feel like I'm his #1 concern right then and there, which really is how it should be. There's also the added benefit that's I've pretty much always gotten everything I ask for. But still, it was him I was sticking with, not the drugs.

I realize that the use of Xanax on a daily basis is not considered ideal and is controversial. I completely accept that.

I'm a very idealistic person, but also very realistic. I see absolutely no point in a person having to live with the anxiety that I have when not properly treated. Why? So I can say I'm drug free.

I think my doctor was under the impression that I was unusually anxious last year because I was moving away to a new school, and that after a while I'd easily drop the Xanax. Nope, I always have anxiety.

So, I could walk in there and tell him I can taper off. I will have a lot of anxiety because I have a lot right now and have always lived with a lot. I'm tough. I can do it. I always used to accept that I'd have a very difficult and unhappy life because of it. I'll just go back to that mindset. I'm pretty used to it now. I was able to have almost a year with some relief, but I can go back to the way I was living before. I'd done it for quite some time.




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