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Re: What can we do to help?/Jerry stargazer

Posted by JerryPharmStudent on April 9, 2007, at 10:13:08

In reply to Re: What can we do to help?/Jerry, posted by stargazer on April 9, 2007, at 9:31:54

Remeron 60mg
Adderall 20mg TID
Klonopin 1mg 4x
Ambien CR HS
Hydrocodone 5mg 4x
Lexapro 20mg
BuSpar 30mg


Adderall and Hydrocodone are the only things keeping me alive right now. My Psych is Rxing the hydrocodone - I've been on it for servere TRD for 3 years - never grown tolerant to its effects.

My Psych told me to think about going off of Lexapro, Remeron, BuSpar and Ambien for Geodon or Abilify.

I have no sex drive and am unable to even feel anything down there.

My msucles hurt so bad.

I've been spirilling downaward since Fall of 2006 when I got overwhelemed with school and had to drop out. I also was taking Adderal XR 20mg 3x daily instead of the immediate release - but had to switch to the immediate release because PPA wouldn't cover more than 30 pills (1s daily)/mo - otherwise it was $400/mo. The Adderall immediate release is MUCH more rough on my system than the XR and I wish I could go back to the XR - but one dose daily doesn't cover it.

I did try for disability years ago and they truned me down because I knew the current president and the current date - apparently you have to ahve no clue where or when you are to receive disability. The man who interviewed me for disability was demeaning, rude and looked at me like I was trash. I gave up. I have no money for lawyers.

I'm not looking for free handouts. But the US healthcare system is horrific and there is nthing for a 35 yr old man in my situation - nothing. PPA covers my Lexapro and that's it. I think in our county to qualify for medical/financial benefits your have to be blind and deaf - or some combination like that. It's crude and ridiculous.

There are no mental health advocate organizations near me - nor do I have the strength, energy or motivation to look for it. As I said - I'm in bad shape. I won't go into a hospital at this point because the only one close enough is a prison with very, very horrible doctors and services. I'd rather sit here and rot on my couch.

I've had ECT with no success.
I've had 3 years with the VNS implant - with no success (had it removed)
I was originally diagnosed when I was 20 - I'm 35 now.
I've been in therapy for most of that 15 yeras and am currntly in therapy.

My apartment is a wreck- I have garbage everywhere. I can't seem to take care of myself as far as hygiene and my parents don't care. They see me in such pain and then blame ME for their stress about having to support me. And they expect me to solve all of our families crises - I have a family member adicted to Ambien and a brother with OCD and I've had to find them help - because my parents say "We don't know what can be done:" - so they sit there - and I hate them for it. I HATE them for the way they treat me.

I have creditors calling me every hour on the hour. I have no money. If I get taken to court (I've already had to filed for bankruptcy years ago) I'll kill myself.

What disgusts me is those privlged spoiled X gener's who live off their parents' fortunes and have no care in the world. Why do they get to live it up - not contributing to the world - not composing symphonies or art or writing poems - not helping out those in need - why are they allowed to live without horrific pain of depression and I made to suffer?

I can't take it. I think my school career is over. There i snothing left. I'm fat, ugly, depressed, lonely, heartbroken, in pain, in debt and at the end of my rope.

Someone help.......release me........please.......


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poster:JerryPharmStudent thread:748283
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070407/msgs/748391.html