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Re: Seems like it's always...))notfred/slpygrl

Posted by University on April 7, 2007, at 22:05:29

In reply to Re: Seems like it's always either Limbo or Hell University, posted by sleepygirl on April 7, 2007, at 21:48:07

Thanks, guys.

I'm sorry if I was vague--especially via such a long post. I guess I was rambling. In a nutshell, I feel as if the only source of motivation that has really affected me has derived from fear. And for me, the ultimate fear is of depression. I'm sure some of you'd agree with me that depression is worse than anything--except for, perhaps, depression AND cancer or something!!

Anyway, one, major manifestation of my problem is my failure to end a relationship I know is going nowhere--and never will--for fear that doing so will cause me to sink into depression. I know that sounds--among other things--very selfish. However, my boyfriend (of 4 years) is very content with the very light and, in my opinion, very un-deep, superficial relationship we have. It's not that he's a lightweight, but he's one of those people who's rather perpetually content--never brooding, suffering, and restless. We love each other, but, at least on my end, I feel SO deprived of any kind of deep, emotional connection to him. That sounds contradictory, but I find I love him dearly, but, to my continual surprise, don't have any passionate, deep connection to him. I've tried. We're just very different. Very different. Nevertheless, losing him, I fear, would be such a shock--such a change of context--that I'd become depressed. Still, I know it's going nowhere. It's the prime example of how everything in my life tends to be comfortable in the sense that there's no misery and pain, but there's no happiness, either. Does that make any sense?




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