Posted by laima on February 25, 2007, at 9:36:17
In reply to Resilience » laima, posted by Declan on February 25, 2007, at 2:39:55
Well that's the zillion dollar question I'd love to know the sure answer to!
Meanwhile, when I encounter someone who seems to have it (resiliance), I can't help but pay attention, fascinated, wonder if I could learn anything. One thing I did notice is that resiliant people seem to not blow things as far out of proportion as I do, and that they take a greater sense of humour about setbacks than I do, and that they even seem to blame another person or entity instead of themselves more than I do- yet still seem to believe they have the capability to turn matters around. They have arsenals of hysterical stories of their misadventures; I am more likely to prattle on about all the injustices I've encountered (if I don't watch it!). I typically tend to assume I did something to cause or bring on any adversity I encounter- whether via my careless actions, choices, stupidity, whatever. Bus late in bad weather? They blame the transit system-maybe even call one of their numerous friends to try to get a ride-or walk to the train, or even go to a bar for happy hour to wait out the rush hour; meanwhile, I curse myself for not having the foresight to dress warmer and get a head start, leave earlier. Bus crowded because of its lateness? I was dumb not to wait for the next one, etc. Boss mean, surly, sneaky? They deduce boss is mean, job is for the birds, and look at help wanted ads. They believe their friends who tell them "so and so is hiring and it's an awsome place to work!" I- am a bit skeptical about such claims, usually. I wonder what I could have done to make boss not like me, and try in vain to be more agreeable to boss-which with some bosses, is utterly futile and very frustrating. So they seem to quit horrible jobs instead of taking on a martyr role, trying to "fix" the office or complete Mission Impossible, as I have typically done-and failed. Ie, "You completed the work of three people all by yourself? Well here's some more for you-wait you're not slowing down, are you? You're slowing down, your productivity is sinking!" (They pick their battles? Are better at assessing reasonable effort and paceing themselves?) They also seem to have more active social lives than me-I'm more prone to withdrawing when stressed. I'm sure not having a mood disorder is a huge help that can't be underestimated. But all this is just my speculative musing.
And no clue as to whether this is learned behavior or inherited affect- though I speculate it's a blend of both.
> Why do some have it and some not?
>
> That's something people here might be interested in.
> How do you increase resilience?
poster:laima
thread:735810
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070224/msgs/735977.html