Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
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Re: one more thing- positive, and suicidal

Posted by deniseuk190466 on October 18, 2006, at 13:15:34

In reply to one more thing- positive, and suicidal, posted by nickguy on October 17, 2006, at 17:17:21


This is a really good post and I do try and do the suggestions in this post, sometimes it gives me a feeling of triumph to know I somehow got through a day at work feeling like a suicidal mess and managed to still acheive things, somehow decieving people into thinking I'm a "normal" person with normal wants and desires and it's strange but the worse I feel the less I care about what people think, it's like I feel that bad no matter what people think of me can't make me feel worse.

But I always end up taking a Zyprexa because I need a break from it, it just gets to the point where I feel I "have" to commit suicide to release myself. Sometimes I get really angry because I know I can't kill myself, I just don't have the courage, I end up being totally indecisive about that, trying to image just taking one step of a cliff for instance, afterall it's just a step and I think how easy the action would be compared to how difficult my life now seems and how impossible the future looks.

I used to have a really good job, no financial difficulties, some nice relationships but I still wound up feeling depressed, now I have no job, my mum (my tower of strength) has breast cancer, I'm starting to really hate my Psychiatrist because he won't let me try the drugs I want to try infact he won't even treat me even more as an outpatient and hasn't done so since around June this year. All the things that should have caused my depression are starting to happen, that's the irony, I guess thats what they call the self forefilling prophecy.

Anyway, I really liked your note and I can sort of understand what you're saying.





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