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Re: Healing

Posted by finelinebob on August 23, 2006, at 23:16:31

In reply to Healing, posted by SyntheticSoul on August 23, 2006, at 14:18:51

"Neo, sooner or later you're going to realize just as I did that there's a difference between knowing the path and walking the path."
-- Morpheus

You've made some intriguing observations. Yeah, I'd like to think that I'm one of those who are "unashamedly defiant." And I also agree that, at some point, people need a good cold shower of reality.

But you've got to be in a safe environment to be ready for that, and that's half the struggle -- getting to that place.

When I was an undergrad, when I was about at my nadir, I tried to get help from various univeristy (big one in the state that looks like a hand with a football stadium that holds 112,000 people or so) clinics and mental health programs. I got six to nine sessions per clinic or service, often with some doctoral clinical psych student or (worse) some med student on a psych rotation. Each service stripped away another layer of the "onion" of lies and defense mechanisms I spent 20 years constructing until I ran out of services that would see me, and I was left with nothing but my naked inner self and no support anywhere to deal with it.

But that wasn't the problem -- being able to see the real me. The problem was I still had a distorted view of my reality, and laying bare who I was gave that distortion free reign. It was NOT a pleasant period of my life.

So, there's a difference between "knowing the path" and "walking the path".

You can't face the truth about yourself until you can see yourself truly. And that last bit is by far the hardest part of healing. You can come to "know" that you're not the hateful, weak, sick, whatever monster you think you are but, instead, a wonderful human being who is so much stronger than any "normal" person because you've been through the fire and survived. But "walking the path," living your life believing the truth about you ... that's another story.

You may be hit with the truth of who you are before your vision has cleared and your eyes see truly, but to have the courage to take that first step down the path means starting from a place of comfort and care, of strength, of sanctuary. You recognized it yourself as the point where people seem to change, to turn things around. Whether you find that from meds, talk therapy, some spiritual guidance, whatever -- you still need it.


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