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Re: OK, I'm over my self-imposed leave... update

Posted by jealibeanz on August 19, 2006, at 20:40:17

In reply to Re: OK, I'm over my self-imposed leave... update jealibeanz, posted by Jost on August 19, 2006, at 17:35:41

Whoaa... must apologize for the incredibly long post up-front, but I assure, it's an easy read!

Yeah, I think that since it's a fairly busy office, (They're overcrowded/overbooked... as a coincidence, this week, my father and I both had 1PM appts w/ the same doc! It's supposed to be every 15 min or so, plus my was a full physical, not a quick med check!) He may not reschedule unless it's something completely new and he really feels the needs to checkup on the patient for safety/compliance issues. I know enough to call and leave a message or get myself an appt if I feel it's necessary, as proven in the past. Although, I tend to wait til things are on the brink of causing a meltdown! So early and often checkups would be good for my over-reactive personality and ever changing disorders (in relation to their relevance in my life).

I really don't have a problem asking him when he wants me to come back. Like I said, I know he is aware of the fact that I'm not local, and can usually only come on the half-day Saturdays, which he rotates with his partners. He just figures if there's a major problem I'll call and tell him.

Strange how my PA doesn't feel that way. He does have more flexibility and time just to do med check ups, but aren't doc's supposed to bedoing this as well? (i.e. my Wellbutrin example- me, with 4 refills and no rechecks, as an uninformed 18 yr old!- This was before the careful monitoring of teens and AD's though,(But was I a teen or, part teen/part "college student who wants to be in the adult category")?.

MY PA checked up on my Lunesta at least every couple months (and what ever meds I was supposed to be taking at the time, but prob wasn't cause I like to control and D/C myself when I feel the need... and I'm psycho and have moved on to a different subcatergory of my illnesses... Anxiety/Insomnia/Depression/ADHD which needs to be treated).

Hmm... maybe my goal at my next appt. will be treat all 4 at once! This would be a better approach than collectively deciding than one or two have subsided for the moment and the other, more serious and prominent matters at hand need to be stabilized. While I realize polypharmacy is difficult when starting new meds- you don't know what's contributing to side effects, all my conditions are chronic and DO need to be medicated for me to be at my best.


1. Insomnia would lessen if depression and anxiety were controlled. We need to move past the fact that I don't like SSRI's and just therefore treat only other symtoms w/o lessening the depression itself. I need to be sure to tell him it's recurrent since high school. It may go away, but will certainly come back. It's been building over the past year, with the exception of my Effexor trial, which saved my life, but was unwilling to continue.

I neeeed a long term tolerable med. This means not going through SSRI's like he would I'm a typical patient. I'm not his typical patient. Although modest, I'll admit that I'm more intelligent than most, as demand to live a high quality life. Although I haven't been presenting any examples of meds, it's obvious I know there are atypical treatments out there for all my disorders, as well as unorthodox methods of treating side effects. This ultimately is what I will need to achieve success.

I also, probably due to my high anxiety nature and very intolerant to adverse effects, while some patients might just put up with them or not even correlate the occurances to meds. So sticking me with the lastest and greatest from the drug rep might not work out, esp. b/c I want better/more specific treatment!

2. Improved sleep would result in less depression, anxiety, moodiness, and better concentration and energy levels overall to be at my best and most productive.

3. If ADHD were controlled, I wouldn't always be frantically scrambling to study and catch up on classes lectures, while at home, that went way over my head b/c I wasn't listening in the first place due to my ADHD. (I have the inattentive subtype- I'm horrible at listening to lectures and internalizing verbal directions, although on a personally level, one on one, I'm the best and most empathetic friend/listener you'll ever meet!-- often recruited as mediator or counselor to good friends)

4. If the ADHD didn't have me scrambling, I'd certainly have much less anxiety, annnd more free time, to relax, and thus decreases anxiety.
4. And of course, depression worsenes if any of these factors is out of balance b/c I feel bad that I can't control my life and that I was born with my "messed up" brain. None/most of my friends don't have these issues. They don't have severe problems w/ classes, studying, emotionally, and socially that just pop up out of nowhere when my brain goes slightly wacky and meds are correcting the balance. I do realize evenyone struggle to some degree with these issues, but mine are related to clinical disorders, making it a little more difficult to manage and cover up.

We're getting there though... My doc is beginning to realize this. It's good that I'm sticking with just one practitioner now. It's also helping that he's beginning to see me more and more as a peer (in training!) every time he sees me. He realizes that I'm able to assess and report my symptoms well. And he can describe certain things to me in detail that he wouldn't do for most patients.

I'm glad I stuck with him! Even though I don't feel like I'm emotionally better or made and great improvements with meds, if I'm persistent, we may reach the finishline together someday.




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