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An update on Clozapine

Posted by pretty_paints on April 26, 2006, at 11:18:18

Hi guys

A little update. Things have been the same for about the last 9 months. I went into hospital and came out on Clozapine. A while after I was dx with schizophrenia. I fell in love with two of my docs and thought they were in love with me. It was horrible horrible and I was passed from doc to doc, getting exhausted with everything because with every doc I had to start from scratch. There is major reshuffling going on with the mental health services where I live. New hospital built, etc etc. I finally saw an Italian doc and together we decided I should come off Remeron (well not really him, he was kinda against it actually). I wanted to see if 1) I could go without it (seeing as though I don't have depression anymore) and 2) I could loose weight off it. The doc said he could prescribe a non-weight-gaining antidepressant instead.

Anyway I have been off for about a month now and feel miserable. I feel low, but moreso than that my "thoughts" feel much worse. I am much more paranoid and my thoughts feel dangerous and strong. I'm being tormented by my thoughts, they drive me insane (ha ha). It's difficult to do anything and feel joy from it. I don't just want to give in and go back on Remeron coz I have lost a bit of weight and am maybe a bit clearer-headed off it (less zombie-like). My dad thinks I am not well at all and is concerned. He says I am vacant all the time, as if I were in another world.

I am really struggling but if I go see my doc he will simply say "well what do you want to do about it?", when the point is I don't KNOW what I want to do. Also, I haven't gone into all my thoughts with him as they are too extensive and complicated (although other people involved in my care know about them). It's just coz I was getting passed on to so many docs, I gave up trying to explain everything to each one. I am seeing a "new" doctor next tuesday, but I am so tired of trying to work everything out. I want the doctor to do that!

Also physically I am a mess. I am really constipated from whoknowswhat, maybe the drugs, don't know. I have used laxatives, but then I end up with horrible diahorea. I can only go to the toilet if I've had laxatives, and laxatives don't help in the long term. Grrrr, I am so stressed.

Also I'm starting a load of clubs this week, watercolours, creative textiles and jewellery making. I have to start this week as they are a 10-week course, but i don't feel ready to do them at this moment. Dealing with groups/clubs OUTSIDE the mental health clique makes me a little scared. INSIDE was alright, you didn't have to bother being polite, chatting, etc. People understood that you were ill and didn't judge you if you fancied a bit of quiet time, or whatever.

Oh well at least it is sunny today.


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poster:pretty_paints thread:637202
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060423/msgs/637202.html