Posted by pseudoname on April 4, 2006, at 15:02:20
In reply to Re: Recovery is complicated, posted by Declan on April 4, 2006, at 13:42:43
Hey, Declan!
> but I had thought, and must be wrong I guess, that you had stopped bupe...
You're remembering pretty good. I developed anxiety attacks / trouble breathing in January and my GP told me to stop taking the buprenorphine. He thought it might be the cause. But the breathing problems were purely psychological, related to the reduced depression. Sort of like “Yikes! NOW what should I do?!” After almost 2 weeks off bupe, I went back on it, although at a reduced dose, now about 0.5mg 2x / day. Bupe has worked remarkably for me, where nothing else has, but it doesn't seem to hit every aspect of my depression.
> I am though quite sure that the old APs would be worse than useless for you.
That's sort of a relief to read. I thought I read that APs combat “amotivational syndrome” in pot smokers, but Googling for that just now I think I must've mis-read it.
> Is it just like having no enthusiasm?
There's no enthusiasm, which is okay… I'm a little wary of enthusiasm sometimes. But there's also zero reward feeling when I'm done. No expectation of satisfaction or feeling, “Ah, that's better now.” My pdoc thinks I'm hyper-afraid of criticism (which would make sense, given my upbringing).
I must really want to do this stuff, or why would not-doing it bother me so?
I hope that I'm just struggling here with the mental/behavioral barnacles of more than 20 years of depression and social withdrawal and that an additional med won't be needed.
> Some kind of protest, maybe.
I think resentment plays a huge role in my life. I'm prone to hold grudges forever. NOT very productive.
Even when I'm getting better, it's all so complicated to sort through. Thanks, Dec.
poster:pseudoname
thread:628681
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060403/msgs/628747.html