Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | List of forums | Search | FAQ

S.O.S. (I've even become un-original!!!)

Posted by corafree on December 5, 2005, at 9:13:31

Hi. It's Corafree.

I am constantly having suicidal thoughts.

To bring you up-to-date, been on Valium 10mg x3 a day since nervous breakdown in March. At that time d.c.'d Eff-XR and began Prozac (no side effects - had used in past - wanted to stay on a low key AD after being on Eff-XR.) My P has increased the Prozac; doesn't seem to help; but sometimes forget to take two a day; sometimes I think I do it purposely as I am afraid it will exacerbate anxiety kept intact w/ the Valium.

I also d.c.'d trazodone for sleep. I wanted to scale back all these ADs. I take Excedrin-PM.

Oh, and one more med, Neurontin 300mg at sleep for my back injury. My PCP started it then inreased to 600 and I'd awaken all dizzy, wobbly, disoriented, so went back down to 300. I'm not sure .. but possibly was feeling better during day tho' on the 600mg and just putting up w/ the morning dizziness. My memory is shot.

I believe the Neurontin is causing me to dream.

Dreams - I think all the people I love (alive and passed away) are around me and with me. I awaken calling their names to find no one and my terrible reality of being alone, just existing, sets in. This happens every night, so I fear going to sleep.

I have two surgeries coming up some time .. have to keep putting off for $ or other reasons, so cannot seek work.

I can't get out and walk as I've moved to a nice place in the middle of a bad area.

A pain doc I've just met has said he wouldn't have a prob' prescribing Topomax. I wonder if that would help my mood .. sadness?

I've told my caseworker, my peer support specialist, my doc, over and over, how desperately sad I am. But I cannot go to an inpatient facility unless I am ready to commit an act of suicide, or do. I can't do it; want to, but can't.

The above people are only concerned w/ my move, explained below (BUT).

I had to move here from a smaller place I really loved. 'Here' is bigger, less cozy, know no one, new town, same metro area.

BUT, in a diff' county, and I have to go to a diff' state provider. So, that's all they seem to be worried about..getting me out of their system and into another. Every time I call feeling desperately sad and out of control, the conversation goes to 'oh, well we're working on getting your move done'! I'm having immense trouble hanging on while they're doing paperwork.

I am so lonely and so scared and so confused.

I keep trying to think of ways to end my life, but I really don't want to; something is telling me there is a reason to hang on.

I'm trying very very hard. I just stay in, try to be good to myself, can't drive very well as new area. It's a 'really traffic congested' drive to my old place where all my 'places, docs, etc.' are.

And once I get there, I face the 'really traffic congested' drive back.

Plus, I'll be far from this home here (where I can do little things to comfort myself, like smoke a cig or eat a piece of chocolate or wrap up in my Dad's old throw and pray) alone, anxious, confused, having difficulty making decisions.

I feel like I need a babysitter!

I've asked for a family member to help, and no one is able to be with me.

I have no IRL people to talk to or be with me.

Please, anyone out there that can write to me, about anything, any ideas, maybe meds, new thoughts, feeling good about letting go of a bad relationship, starting over in a new area, meds again, anything, please respond.

Like I said, my P is no support. My T back on other side of town ended w/ DBT ending, and she had always spent at least 15-20 of every session 'scolding me' about being 5min late. I don't need that now! I'm hurting too much.

My children are nearer to me here, but believe me, are untouchable.

I need to find a T that is either Gestalt (never tried that, maybe should) or empathetic. But problem again, w/ this move to a diff' county', have to wait until they've switched me into new system, to find a T! I haven't the cash to pay; have to use the system.

I need you guys. I need your love and support ... hugs - should I be on something better than Prozac with so much Valium - surely hate to go back on Eff-XR after controversy .. but did I feel better then (can't say for sure) and d.c.ing it wasn't hard for me - anything new come out? - any med ideas - treatments - diff' kinds of counseling (when can go) - again diff' meds - your situations - how leaving a bad relationship is supposed to be a good thing - how starting over can be good - back to meds again - anything ... just respond as I feel so desperate.

(I cannot d.c. Valium. I think I've described my nervous breakdown, and know that can never, ever, happen again.)

I am sorry to always pop up here and there in desperation, again asking for your attn, but I hurt soooo bad and the tears just won't stop.

verymuchlove, cf


Share
Tweet  

Thread

 

Post a new follow-up

Your message only Include above post


Notify the administrators

They will then review this post with the posting guidelines in mind.

To contact them about something other than this post, please use this form instead.

 

Start a new thread

 
Google
dr-bob.org www
Search options and examples
[amazon] for
in

This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | FAQ
Psycho-Babble Medication | Framed

poster:corafree thread:585693
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20051203/msgs/585693.html