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the Significant Crest

Posted by pseudoname on November 29, 2005, at 22:24:12

In reply to Re: buprenorphine trial !, posted by Peter S. on November 17, 2005, at 1:22:04

Ed asked,
> Hard stools = time for a dose of MiraLax?

My pdoc agreed with you, Ed. So far no action. I also added milk of magnesia, and I already eat a high-fiber diet.

> Have you tried any other opioids btw?

I was given morphine injection once for an injury. I felt momentarily (t<3 sec) buzzy, similar to my initial effect from alcohol, but it went away quickly and wasn't a feeling I'd seek out to repeat. But it was *some* psychoactive response however slight...

Saw my pdoc today, who refused to set an upper limit on my buprenorphine dose. She said there is no basis. I told her the GP I saw for my physical last week had no problem with me taking an opioid for depression. Pdoc said, "Well, no; it's no skin off his nose if you sue ME."

I gave her printouts of Ed's, Larry's & Marsha's advice. She said she was now considering another TRD patient who'd tried everything; I told her to START WITH A #%*$@ing LOWER DOSE.

Today (even before I saw pdoc) I was discouraged again about my bupe response. After what amounted to FULL REMISSION yesterday (if "remission" can last just 8 hours), this morning's 40% lift on the same dose seemed like failure. Of course, two weeks ago I would've killed for 40% improvement!

So then I increased today's total to 2.5 mg – and went over the Significant Crest. That's a definite point below/before which moods go up & down, variously better & worse – but everything is ALWAYS saturated with depression, and rancid, fiendish thoughts are always at least touching my consciousness. After the Significant Crest (which I've now gone over twice), things are just things, not tinted by anything, and the rancid thoughts completely VANISHED. I was free! When over the Significant Crest my moods have been neutral, fine, quiet, or pleasant and happy, but not joyous or even enthusiastic. I enjoy the other people I meet without needing their approval or imagining their thoughts about me. No euphoria, hypomania, or extra energy. This neutral peaceful freedom is worth constipation, if that's what it takes. It is worth a COLOSTOMY, compared to my everyday life for the last 22 years.

I assume there are others who are/will be reading this thread to weigh bupe for themselves. I guess that's one advantage for me in trying something hard-to-get: a fantasy of civic duty to TRDs everywhere will keep me on track to doing the trial fully, despite setbacks and tolerance.




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