Posted by chienandalusia on November 3, 2005, at 23:14:25
Hello everyone, I'm posting in hopes that if I describe who I am and what I've been going through, then some of you who've felt what I'm feeling can offer me some advice. I'm going to go ahead and write everything I think can think of that's potentially pertinent, so pardon me if I run long. I'm 23, male. I've always been somewhat distant from other people. I've always had a competitive attitude in which I've had to tell myself I'm better than the people around me in order not to feel bad about myself. I started getting acne pretty soon after starting college and in a couple years I had more zits on my face than 99.9% of the people I passed in the streets of New York City everyday, plus or minus .1% I went to a couple of dermatologists who both prescribed me antibiotics but I hated how they threw off my digestive system. Anyway, as my skin got worse I started feeling sh*ttier and sh*ttier about myself. Finally I started using retin-a and it started helping some and I that made me feel a little better. I started Accutane 2.5 months ago and it has worked a lot. I still have plenty of zits and tons of red spots and a fair amount of scarring but the stuff is working. In about February I started a weekly therapy session with a pre-certified therapist and stopped abruptly about 2 months ago. I felt like the novelty of me telling my thoughts to a neutral party wore off and she wasn't offering me much insight. Also, she seemed too judgemental of my pot-smoking, something I started 5 or 6 months ago, I guess. I started smoking small amounts of the stuff at regular intervals, like every few hours, and found that it helped me do things, as it made me more curious about everything. I've gone off and on the pot smoking regularly, so I'd say that I've been at least a little high about 25% of my waking hours over the past 6 months. It amazed me that smoking just a pinch marijuana would make me so much more capable of interacting with the world, as it would make me less scared of it and more fascinated by it. But not all is great about smoking pot. If I smoke too much I feel horrible. And I don't think it's the greatest thing for memory and brainpower, at least in the long run. So I decided that I should consult a psychiatrist to find a legal drug with fewer side effects that would help me in some of the ways I felt pot had helped me. I told her pretty much what I've told you and she gave me a prescription for Zoloft, I guess about 6 weeks ago. I tapered up to 100 mg and after a couple weeks on that I didn't feel much better at all, so she told me to taper off that over the next week and start 100 mg of Wellbutrin, which I've now been on for 5 days or so. Tomorrow I'm supposed to make it 100mg in the morning and 100mg in the afternoon. A quicker taper-up. I also somewhat recently started taking a ton of vitamins, standard stuff: Costco's B-50, Multi, Calcium, and Fish Oil (10 gels, 3 g Omega-3), Grape seed extract, alpha lipoic acid and acyetl-L Carnitine. I get plenty of excersize, not much sun, I'm in good shape, but I don't eat a lot of fresh fruits or vegetables. I eat lots of mexican food and lots of wheat bread and drink lots of green tea. I work in a silk screening shop owned by my mom so I have a lot more leeway when it comes to showing up late because I overslept and feel totally depressed, like today. But geez, I really could use some more energy and drive in my life. I don't have the energy to do much of anything. I sleep 9-12 hours a night and still always feel tired. Would anyone recommend taking amphetemines? I'd like to feel more focused. I rarely finish anything that involves much challenge: art projects, relationship problem resolution, you name it. I did finish my BA, but only by the path of least resistance, not with passion. So tell me what you think. I am definitely going to go back to therapy within the next two months, but I don't expect that therapy alone will solve my problems, especially my chronically low energy level and hypersomnia. By the way, I totally isolate myself from almost everyone, I have next to no friends, and I think about suicide plenty, though I've never taken any steps toward an attempt. Whaddaya say?
Thanks,
Paul
poster:chienandalusia
thread:575234
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20051031/msgs/575234.html