Posted by 4wd on October 16, 2005, at 22:25:17
In reply to Re: Is depakote good for ultra ultra rapid cycling? » 4wd, posted by spriggy on October 16, 2005, at 17:37:36
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Hi Spriggy,Me too. I tell everybody everything the minute I meet them.
Okay, we must be related somewhere down the line. You sound so much like me.
> My diagnosis; well, it depends on who you ask. LOL I definitely have had anxiety problems all my life- I was even thinking last night how as a young kid I would lye in bed at night absolutely TERRIFIED and shaking for no apparent reason.
I manifested my early childhood anxiety with physical symptoms. Picking at my skin, spastic colitis, etc. I was put on phenobarbital before I made it to Jr. High!
> It's hard to know what's genetic compared to upbrining etc.. I have a seriously unstable Bipolar father who also had a severely bipolar mother (who committed suicide). My father's bp has never been under control no matter what medicine they give him.That's scary.
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> He has also battled a serious drug problem my entire life; cocaine and pain killer's especially. So I grew up with his issues plus a very neurotic, controlling, super anxious/worrier for a mother.I've been there myself with the pain pill issues. I abused them off and on for a long time before quitting last spring.
> I dealt with abuse; physical, verbal, and later on in my early teen years, sexual.
My father was an alcoholic and addicted to Valium. He had severe depression and anxiety. His grandfather was definitely disturbed - he killed himself in front of his six year old daughter. My maternal grandmother was severely depressed. My sister is depressed and my niece is bipolar. My uncle was an addict and alcholic and a suicide.
> I have a family history on both sides of mental illness; from bipolar, to generalized anxiety, panic attacks, sociopaths, etc..
Yes, see above.
> My regular gp thought I was bipolar 2 (after my episode on Lexapro).Lexapro made me so anxious. Paxil gave me panic attacks. Other SSRIs do tend to make me more anxious but they do work for depression.
I got sent to a psychologist who said, " You are not bipolar." THen later, as I continued to wig out, I checked myself into a psych ward (while withdrawing from Lexapro) and after 4 days there they released me and told I had akathasia.
Some diagnosis.> Mind you, I've never had real treatment or evaluating- I don't think you can spend 15 minutes with a person and tell them what their problem or diagnosis is, and that's how it's been for me.
Have you thought about going to a real pdoc for the whole shebang - the hour or two hour consultation where they take a history and do all that?
> I don't know what's wrong with me. I have a lot of physical things going on right now too; fever's, rash's, body aches, etc.. I see a rheumatologist in three weeks so hopefully I can get a definite diagnosis by then.
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Depression and anxiety can cause a lot of that stuff. Have you had your cortisol level checked? I bet yours is sky high. Be sure to ask for a 24 hour urinary free cortisol (if your doctor thinks it's a good idea to check it). I was so sure my problem was physical I asked to have it checked. (Well, I also had a pituitary gland tumor and that was part of the workup) My level was 4 times normal. (Cortisol is the stress hormone)So the pdoc says the cortisol doesn't MAKE you anxious. ANd the endo says the cortisol is high BECAUSE I'm anxious.
> My gp thinks i have lupus, the neurologist said I had a fibromyalgia, and the allergist said I had asthma and severe allergies.
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> Only the Lord knows what's wrong in this body.
>It just makes yo want to throw up your hands in despair and wish they'd all get together and talk to each other for goodness sakes.
> I was fairly normal until I got sick last
Christmas (and had a traumatic event). I don't know if it was the physical illness this downward spiral or if it was the traumatic event (or both).That is so weird. My stuff all started happening right after a traumatic event too. Well, it was actually a series of connected traumatic events.
> I could very well be bipolar and just be in extreme and total denial. Because of the way bipolar looks in my family, I think I'd rather have cancer.
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> So maybe I don't want to believe it. I'm also a Christian and don't want to live with the stigma (or idea in my own head) that my faith is not strong enough.I know what you mean. Like if you could just turn it over to God you ought to feel better. Or at least be able to accept the situation and trust that God will take care of you. But when you are terrified, it's real hard to feel trust.
> I'm dealing with that right now.
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> On top of this, I have a lot of people counting on me; my son is severely autistic, my husband just started a church, etc..Wow. You do have a lot. Having an autistic child would be extremely demanding and traumatic in itself. Here's mine. My mom has Alzheimer's, my husband abuses the same pain pills I quit using, my sister stole half my parents' life savings and now I have to pay the bills with only half the money they had. I don't know if that makes you feel any better but maybe the misery loves company thing?
> I can't afford to not be well, and yet, here I am.
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Exactly. I quit my job a couple of years ago when I started to spiral downward. There is so much happening in my life right now that I need to be taking care of and I just can't do it. Or, rather, I do it, but I tremble through it and worry ceaselessly.On the plus side, right now, I'm okay. I am so grateful that it does go away at night.
Do you have any time when it's not present at all? When you feel normal?
Do you take hormones of any kind? I have a sneaking suspicion that the progesterone in my HRT is NOT good for my mental state.
Hang in there. One day, one of us will get a diagnosis and then we'll BOTH know what the matter is and get well.Marsha
poster:4wd
thread:566985
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20051010/msgs/567945.html