Posted by spriggy on October 16, 2005, at 17:37:36
In reply to Re: Is depakote good for ultra ultra rapid cycling? » spriggy, posted by 4wd on October 16, 2005, at 15:23:00
Yes, that's a perfect example of how it feels (the airplane phobia analogy). Which oddly enough, I do have a horrific fear of flying (and still manage to do it several times a year, bleek!).
My diagnosis; well, it depends on who you ask. LOL I definitely have had anxiety problems all my life- I was even thinking last night how as a young kid I would lye in bed at night absolutely TERRIFIED and shaking for no apparent reason.
It's hard to know what's genetic compared to upbrining etc.. I have a seriously unstable Bipolar father who also had a severely bipolar mother (who committed suicide). My father's bp has never been under control no matter what medicine they give him.
He has also battled a serious drug problem my entire life; cocaine and pain killer's especially. So I grew up with his issues plus a very neurotic, controlling, super anxious/worrier for a mother.
I dealt with abuse; physical, verbal, and later on in my early teen years, sexual.
I have a family history on both sides of mental illness; from bipolar, to generalized anxiety, panic attacks, sociopaths, etc..
My regular gp thought I was bipolar 2 (after my episode on Lexapro). I got sent to a psychologist who said, " You are not bipolar." THen later, as I continued to wig out, I checked myself into a psych ward (while withdrawing from Lexapro) and after 4 days there they released me and told I had akathasia.
Mind you, I've never had real treatment or evaluating- I don't think you can spend 15 minutes with a person and tell them what their problem or diagnosis is, and that's how it's been for me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I have a lot of physical things going on right now too; fever's, rash's, body aches, etc.. I see a rheumatologist in three weeks so hopefully I can get a definite diagnosis by then.
My gp thinks i have lupus, the neurologist said I had a fibromyalgia, and the allergist said I had asthma and severe allergies.
Only the Lord knows what's wrong in this body.
I was fairly normal until I got sick last Christmas (and had a traumatic event). I don't know if it was the physical illness this downward spiral or if it was the traumatic event (or both).
I could very well be bipolar and just be in extreme and total denial. Because of the way bipolar looks in my family, I think I'd rather have cancer.So maybe I don't want to believe it. I'm also a Christian and don't want to live with the stigma (or idea in my own head) that my faith is not strong enough.
I'm dealing with that right now.
On top of this, I have a lot of people counting on me; my son is severely autistic, my husband just started a church, etc..
I can't afford to not be well, and yet, here I am.
Not well.
poster:spriggy
thread:566985
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20051010/msgs/567784.html