Posted by JACJ on August 26, 2005, at 18:00:01
In reply to What meds can I use?, posted by JACJ on August 25, 2005, at 19:42:21
I was a pretty normal person until June 2001. I had a bit of anxiety and depression; nothing counseling wouldn't solve or a support group. Well, my family doctor suggested I go and see a pdoc and I thought no harm. I wished I would have ran the other way.
I was first put on Wellbutrin. I can't remember how much but in about a month I started having hallucinations and my personality turned for the worse. The pdocs thought that I was bi-polar II with psychotic symptoms. I go from being a normal person to this and never once did they think it was the drugs. I can't go into much more detail but I wanted to give you a brief version. I then self mutaliated myself and ended up in the p hospital. I was then put on Ativan 3mgs, and a antipsychotic and something else. That is when things went from bad to worse. I was in and out of hospitals. Life was bad.
I was on the drugs for almost 3 years total. I reached tolderance early with the ativan and found myself up to 7-8 mgs plus I was drinking. I was a zombie. I gained 80 pounds. I have to say if it wasn't for my husband I wouldn't be here. Well, in Jan of 04 we were thinking of moving to Europe and we asked a doctor about my meds and he couldn't believe that I was on a benzo for so long. That is when I became this research queen. I was in shock, anger and all of the above. I was seeing 3 pdcos at the time too. Well, I wanted off so I came off of Geodon 80mgs and Ativan in about 6 weeks all together. The w.d was the worst thing I ever went thru. At my last appt. the doctor asked if I was mad. I saw red b/c now I have to still deal with w/d. I may have permanent damage and now I have chemical sensitivites to everything. I have been off of the drugs 17 months and doing really well.
I am expecting my 1st baby at the end of next month. How do I get past this? I see a counselor plus I am going back to school to become a toxicologist but I am just afraid that I will never get past this. I am very extreme when it comes to psych meds b/c I feel in my heart they do alot of damage.
I am lonely and scared and wished I had answers. I have been victimized and lied to and I am angry as a bag of wasps. I don't have much support since I am off the drugs now. When I came off of the drugs I belonged to some forums but it was time to move on. I wished that I could find something.
In the 3 years that I was on the drugs, I was on 15 drugs. I was on 5 at one time. Just a snip-it of my story.