Posted by Racer on August 22, 2005, at 21:46:52
In reply to Re: Why do i feel like i have failed if i start meds ?, posted by 4WD on August 22, 2005, at 20:58:08
I'm another who has tried to go off meds in the past, only to have the monster of depression return to bite my posterior. Sucks, huh?
So, uh, why did you want to go off meds? For me, it was usually either breakthrough depression that made it seem silly to keep taking them, or side effects that were no longer worth it. Something like that for you? Or were you getting the "just don't be depressed/what do you have to be depressed about" routine, either from others or from yourself?
Either way, it might be worth asking yourself why you hold yourself to a different standard from others? If you wouldn't think less of someone for having to take anti-depressants, why do you think that you somehow shouldn't? Despite what some people still say, research has shown changes to the brain associated with depression, as well as genetic predisposition to depression. Depression, no matter what the Calvinistic belief system may suggest, is a real, honest to goodness, physical illness that affects moods. If you had another chronic disease, something that could be quantified, like Diabetes Mellitus, would you feel as though you'd failed for having to continue taking insulin? There is nothing shameful about taking antidepressants for your chronic depression.
Here's another question, though: you say you've been off Effexor for 40 days? Depending on how fast your taper was, this might just be a left-over effect of the discontinuation syndrome. If you really and truly do not want to be on meds, you might try to gut it out for a bit longer, see if it fades.
I hope it does get better for you, with or without drugs. And I hope you feel better very soon.