Posted by bimini on July 19, 2005, at 12:36:46
In reply to altered perception after long stimulant use., posted by rjlockhart98 on July 19, 2005, at 9:55:10
I can't come up with a definition of psychotic thought. What is it, how does it go?
For me thoughts go off in multiple simultaneous direction, then it becomes an instant of thoughtless perception. Nothing I could describe but intensly experience. No Doctor could perceive this and my ramblings just fuzz it up badly. Painting, art or dance might be better to express it.
I am in a permanent altered reality. Chaos is the continuity and sense of control shifted along with it, like a huge game with infinite players. I try to make sense and try to fit pieces in order I think they belong, that isn't working. It is there and isn't, predictable in beeing unpredictable. Psychotic? I feel I just dreamed that up that there was a real, fixed, constant reality "out there". That was comforting, easier to deal with changes when other denominators are fixed.
Hanging in suspended direction isn't so bad for me. Dealing with me in real life is likely more exasperating for other people. Antidepressant meds take away the feeling of my independent part in the game, for me that was the scariest experience.
I am functioning independent. I am unemployable and started my own business two years ago.