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I think I am bipolar afterall

Posted by alienatari on May 17, 2005, at 19:10:17

Hey all. I posted a couple of days ago they think I might not be bipolar but ive been going through my records and here is what I have come up with.

I have had several hypomanic episodes which gave me the diagnosis of Bipolar II in the beginning.

When I was in hospital they took me off my Depakote and the hospital said I became manic and the psychatrist upgraded my diagnosis to Bipolar I and I was put back on Depakote plus an anti-psychotic.

I stopped this for some reason I cant remember now and I became very manic for about 3 months and I was totally out of control. I went to live on the streets, heard voices, thought God was talking to me, became very paranoid. I was halucinating. God told me that I must convert to Islam so I converted to Islam (even though im homosexual and Islam forbids this), did the Shahada (the conversion), did the Salat (5 daily prayers) ate Halal foods only, stopped using rec drugs and drinking alcohol or doing anything Haram .etc .etc legally changed my name to "Ahmed" (I thought God wanted me to have this name. My Christian friends think its funny but my Muslim friends thought it was a great idea and still call me Ahmed even though I changed it back to "Christopher" hehe) and so on. Not that there is anything wrong with Islam, but it really upset my boyfriend who is Arab and he is Christian from Iraq and doesnt like the religion (even though his best friend is Muslim and he has dated several Muslim people, go figure). There have been genocides against Christians (mainly Assyrians) in Iraq for a long time now but there are genocide attempts from some Muslim groups there too against other Muslims. And not to mention the evil things people have done in the name of Christianity (Like the murder of 50 million Aboriginal people here in Australia, one of the largest genocides in history). Its just all disgusting, especially using religion for the sake of war and genocide. If there is a God as if they would want us to do such horrible things like that, regardless of whatever religion people follow or dont follow. He said he didnt mind if I was born Muslim but it upset him that I converted (and he now wants to conver to Judaism, hes such a hypocrit hehe). Me personally, I dont hate any religion/race or whatever I just dont like opression against any group of people (women, homosexuals, ethnic minorities .etc .etc) opression, war, genocide and so on is just so terrible and I wish we could all just live freely in peace without harming others or descriminating or opressing them. ANYWAY before all this I didnt believe in God so most people who knew me were quite shocked. It went on for a long time. I should have been hospitalized again but I wasnt.

The mania/depression also cycles.

After that happened they thought I might be schizoaffective but the psychologist I saw and another psychatrist I saw said I have Bipolar I.

When I stopped my mood stabalizer again I didnt sleep for a whole week and I appeared to becoming manic as in fast thoughts, speaking fast, irratic spending, scattered talking .etc .etc but was quickly re-medicated and it subsided in a few days (put me on a mood stabalizer again with an anti-psychotic. The anti-psychotics seem to stop my manic episodes in a few days).

So its 2 psychatrists, 3 psychologists, the others at the psychatric hospital that were treating me, all believe I have bipolar I.

I think I need my new psychatrist to get into contact with the hospital I stayed at to get my records.

But anyway, he definatly does not want me to stop my mood stabalizer.

Im a bit scared im becoming hypomanic at the moment because I cant sleep. I havent had much sleep in a long time but its not so bad.

I remember being younger and becoming hypomanic but it was never diagnosed. My friends (who were ravers) would always say how I was always "scattered" when I wasnt even on MDMA. Like I would go from one centence, to another, then back to the same one, then change again, then go to another one, then go back to the second one .etc Its confusing for people who dont know me that well but my family/friends are used to it and I havent done it much since I have been on my moodstabalizer. Do other Bipolars here get "scattered" thinking much? Ive also read that its also a sign of schizophrenia isnt it?

So I think I have come to the conclusion that my diagnosis is OCD, Bipolar Affective Disorder and anxiety. Just from what I have read from the psychatrists and psychologists that have seen me and what the hospital has said. What do you guys think? Am I right? What should I tell the new Psychatrist?
Thanks for reading and take care
Ahmed. Ooops I mean Chris... hehe


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poster:alienatari thread:499127
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050516/msgs/499127.html