Posted by Maxime on March 8, 2005, at 0:08:23
In reply to Re: New moon? » Maxime, posted by Phillipa on March 7, 2005, at 17:22:15
> I noticed you were Posting a lot last night and was afraid you were cycling. I even mentioned it to my husband. Your focus seems to be writing poetry and using this Board. Keep on doing this it seems to help you. And you are full of wisdom. Fondly, Phillipa
Wisdom? I am not so sure about that. Anyhow, the Thorazine brought me back from the whirlwind of posts and noises in my head. I wouldn't mind it so much if the depression would lift, but it stays and then the hypomania is an added layer to deal with.
I have had a rough day. I went to a support group tonight and I actually felt worse afterwards. I don't think it is suppose to work that way. I was crying on the bus all the way home. No one notices. It's okay. I ended up doing some SI tonight. Never a good sign. I am riddled with thoughts of dying and how I might achieve it. But there really is no right time is there? I mean it would be such an inconvenience for everyone. I should at least file my taxes first. And I would like to be much thinner.
Sometimes I feel so suicidal. Other times I feel as though I am just going to die. Perhaps in my sleep. I don't know why I think this. There is nothing that would cause a sudden death that I am aware of. But I just have this feeling ... or maybe it is more of a wish. There is no voice or anything telling me that it is going to happen. It's just a feeling ... I don't understand.