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Re: Stigma PS banga

Posted by hotagent339 on January 3, 2005, at 14:02:36

In reply to Re: Stigma PS, posted by banga on January 2, 2005, at 22:12:17

First of all, I want to thank you for the HUGE support you've all given me! I never thought Id be reading so many perspectives and emails on this subject.

Heres what went down. My inlaws have no idea what boundries are. I got fed up and wrote them an initial email bullet pointing the things that have bothered me for the past 2 years. Then I waited...and waited...so I followed it up with another email saying how disappointed I was that there was no response from them. I was hurt by them just ignoring me. After a month or so, my husband was told that I wasnt welcome to their house anymore but our 2 year old daughter and himself were...my husband, Mike's, grandmother was coming for a visit and thats when the message was relayed.

After 2 months of hateful feelings on my part, his dad, a big time corporate finance laywer with a HUGE firm, finally wrote me back. He went on to explain point by point the situations I explained in my original email. Basically, NOT validating any of my feelings. Typical lawyer fashion of arguing facts and not considering the possiblity that people could ever have hurt feelings! OH NO! No one has ever stood up to Jim.

So, in response to that horrible, insenative, arrogant, "we can do no wrong," immature email from them, I went off the deep end, as you might say, and wrote a nasty, over the top one myself, parts of which now Im embarssed I wrote. I was furious with him for the things they have said and done, and how they have ignored me for the past 4 months. His mom is a peditrician as well. Both are high achieving people and come from a very patriarcial, meddling families. Even after bringing to their attention things they have done since writing to them, they have crossed the same lines again with Mike...they just dont get it!!!

Mike tried to assert himself after he saw how his parents were treating me, and after our therapist showed him, and wrote them an email. His parents suggested we all go to counseling. Mike told them that if we do go it would not be some sort of court room battle for them to get some sort of right/wrong type of vindication. My inlaws wanted to go over all of the emails sent which meant that we would only be moving backwards, not forwards. We agreed to the counseling and foolishly I said to them, "bring it on". I followed that up with an explanation that it wasnt meant in any certain tone and we were very much excited to work this out in therapy. They then backed out and that started the trouble again...That was Thanksgiving time.

Thats when they started seeing a psychologist. Im sure they brought the email I wrote in anger and thats when I was labled "mentally Ill." Also, since I went back and forth a few times on "I hate you, Ill try and be nice, to I hate you for backing out" they see me as unstable. Being on meds has only fueled their belief that I am mentally ill. (like an idiot, Mike broke a promise and told them I was seeing a psychiatrist and was on meds...ARGH!!!)

They look down upon me, as you can imagine. I dont know why I care so much....Like I said...they are very high achieving individuals...very snobby, rich, and come from a culture where you dont talk about problems, you just sweep them under the rug...in my opinion at least. They say that its not true but that I completely handled it the wrong way, which I may have, but my hubby never stepped in when I needed him to. I was left to deal with it all by myself with all of this bottled up inside. Its all a tangled ball of yarn.

It seems that I am the scape goat in this. "Medicate Molly and all is well! Molly is the sick one and once she is in control everything will be fine! There is NOTHING wrong with us, we are perfect and poised." Its degrading. Therefore, add that to raising a toddler, moving into a new house, starting and maintaining my own insurance agency, playing in an orchestra, volunteering as a rape counselor, etc. You get the point.

Get this. Before we bought the house, my father in law said he'd give us $10,000 to help out. He knew where the house was that we wanted. We made the offer and got the papers rolling. The next day he pulled his offer off of the table saying "The offer was for a house that I approved of and was in an neighborhood that I approved of." That is the type of people Im dealing about...sick eh?? Enough stress to make anyone angry off. I mean, How arrogant and judgmental?. The house his own SON wanted?..We got the house because we really didnt need the money but it would have been nice.

Anyway, thanks for your ears...or should I say eyes. Im going to look into this GAD. What I like about the Topamax is the weight loss thing. Ive lost like 8 lbs and I LOVE IT!!!!! Thats the main reason I want to stay on it and not rock the boat on this stuff. Is that wrong? It does make me feel more calm too. Like the title of my email, I hate the names they are calling me...mentally ill. I believe my lifestyle and my inlaws drove me to this stress level.

Molly


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Psycho-Babble Medication | Framed

poster:hotagent339 thread:436389
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050103/msgs/437236.html