Posted by sdjeff on October 29, 2004, at 22:08:31
First I just want to thank everyone who has been supportive through this wierd tough time. YOur help is appreciated.
Please note the following is pretty specific and could be a trigger.
Lately I have been ruminating a lot about suicide. I just can't get the idea out of my head. I've been considering overdosing, guns, etc. I have a lot of old meds and it wouldn't be much to take some pills. A couple nights ago I took out a couple of my dads pistols and imagined what it would feel like to use one. I have also been cutting (just once). I have no imminent plans and I do have a daughter to live for. That is the one main thing that keeps me going. I am so very tired, however, of just existing.
One ironic thing is that I don't feel very emotional. I feel down, but like in one of my previous posts I can't seem to cry about anything. I think that is because of the meds. I'm on Zyprexa 15 mg and Cymbalta 60 mg.
I don't think my T or pdoc could do anything for me at this point. Therapy is just going around in circles. I have been on so many meds under so many different combos I can't remember them all. I hae no job, no insurance and not enough money.
So, to make a long post short, I was wondering what would happen if I went to the Emergency Room. I really don't know why I would go. I couldn't tell you if this is some ploy for attention or if I legitimately need to go. Would some nurse hand me a pill and send me on my (not very) merry way? would I get admitted into a psych ward? Should I even bother going?
poster:sdjeff
thread:408938
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20041029/msgs/408938.html