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Dazed and Confused

Posted by LoveLife on September 16, 2004, at 10:22:51

Hello all, I'm new to this site and thought I would share some of my thoughts w/ you today. I have been diagnosed w/ 2 forms of epilepsy due to viral encephalitis and a juvenille form of a stroke that happened to me in 3rd grade. I'm 26 yrs. old and have had a wonderful life up until the virus hit me almost 2 yrs. ago. I suffered several grand-mal seizures and spent approx. 3 months in the hospital w/ one horrifying event after another. I was always a strong individual and I thought I recovered well from what all happened until the petit mals kept occuring and I soon found myself battling this everyday. Alot of the times, I feel like I can't finish a sentence or make sense of what I'm saying or even remember what I'm trying to say. When I w/ those that I love, I don't want them to know what's going on in my head so I try to pretend to be the old me and it's a constant battle. I often find myself in another world and when someone catches me in another world, I panic. I'm afraid they noticed or something is wrong w/ me that I didn't even notice. Am I having another seizure? Is this from the meds? Is this how I'm going to live from now on? What's going on w/ me? When is my life going to come back? I'm trying to cope w/ all these changes the best that I can and accept that this is me now, I just have to make the best of it. That person before is still inside you, just don't let this get you down. Then you ask, is this something you can talk yourself out of or is it more than that? I have a beautiful daughter of 14 months who makes me so happy and I want to do the same for her. My energy level is a rollercoaster and due to my meds I sleep more now than I did before. Plus, I seem so much moodier than ever before and I don't like that. I was always a very happy person. I still try to be, but it's almost like I'm faking it. I'm currently taking Zonegram for the seizures, which seems to be doing a good job. No more seizures, but still some weird side affects of feelings of being in another world, tiredness, lack of sexual desire, etc. I am also currently being weaned off of Lexapro since I didn't notice any significant changes in depression and I self-diagnosed myself w/ anxiety other than depression. I am in a constant frantic that a seizure might happen if I do this or if I do that and how can you enjoy life like that??? I haven't had a seizure in 2 yrs, but it was a traumatic experience and I keep trying to tell myself that my body has eliminated them and I am normal again, but that's not the case and it's just not that easy. Is there anyone else out there as crazy as me? I need someone to talk to in hopes that maybe I can gain some fun and sanity back into my life again. My little Riley deserves it!!!


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Psycho-Babble Medication | Framed

poster:LoveLife thread:391477
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040915/msgs/391477.html