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Re: My story-need help, anyone please respond! thanks! » Mike634

Posted by barbaracat on June 29, 2004, at 18:42:05

In reply to My story-need help, anyone please respond! thanks!, posted by Mike634 on June 27, 2004, at 17:44:24

Hang in there, buddy, you are NOT alone. Although no one can understand anyone's particular hell and it feels so alone, there are so many of us in deep pain, desperately trying to find answers and relief and trust that there's some purpose in it. It feels so sad and futile that a perfectly good talented life is wasting. It can feel so hopeless. But there's GOT to be a reason, an unhealed wound, a hormonal imbalance, something besides some capricious insane diety running the show. Maybe it has something to do with learning compassion, but jeez, it still hurts.

I'm also in a descent right now also, fighting, fighting BP depression, anxiety, grief, after valiantly trying to do it without any meds. I can't do it alone and have to go back to my pdoc and keep trying for the right combination to pull me out of this black sucking hole. I've learned a whole lot about myself during this episode, I understand why I've been feeling so bereft, but after a point, chemistry takes over and it's TIME TO STOP HURTING!!!

This time I'm gonna ask for rTMS, go back on lithium and deal with the thyroid thing. I'm also going to ask for an antipsychotic like Seroquel. Recent research says that the atypical antipsychotics are working wonders for this stuff. It's probably the only avenue I haven't tried. Also, fish oil really does help, although it takes a while. It helps to heal the brain and not just treat symptoms. Carlson's Best Fish Oil liquid, is a very good one. Take 1 Tablespoon a day.

I know how hard it is to get out and walk when you feel like you can barely tie your shoes, but you've got to just force yourself. There is NOTHING that works better than moving that stuck energy - nothing. The first 10-15 minutes are dreadful but then something kicks in. I keep praying along with the rhythm of my steps - things like 'the pure light of Spirit is healing me', 'I am willing to be healed', 'the pure light of Love heals my heart'. Things like that in time with my steps and breath instead of ruminating on my anguish. Eventually something clicks and grace comes in and I feel better, if only for a short time. It may not be the entire answer, but not working it out is a sure guarantee that things will spiral down worse. Perhaps the healing grace you ask for comes in the form of the right combo of meds from a caring doctor, perhaps an emotional breakthrough will dawn, an 'aha', perhaps feeling the compassionate bond with all us other suffering souls. One foot in front of the other, whatever it takes. Bless you and keep me in your good thoughts as well. - BarbaraCat


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