Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
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Meth-20 years Clean-addicted again

Posted by 2ndXround on June 17, 2004, at 6:42:28

I am new and rather lost so forgive me if I mess up.
I was a meth addict/alcoholic (IV user) when I was 17 until 24. I signed myself into a drug treatment lockup and stayed an entire year. (I am also an RN at UC Med Center). I was clean.
I married (at 30) and had kids. My daughters are 22 and 19. We live in the same home for 23 years.I was clean the entire time, in fact I forgot about using entirely....until my older daughter brought it home 3 years ago.
She used everything, literally, and was a dealer, using our house to deal. She brought her 'Rave' life (friends) into our home...and she became a stranger. Our family fell apart.
My excuse is that my husband didn't care, didn't believe me when I said we had a problem and I needed help with our daughter. He told me his work was more important them family. He also warned me not to call the police.
I was weak...and stuped. I talked myself into believing I could get closer to my daughter if I tried some crack (meth? smoked). I finally called the police to report a stolen car in our garage, 2 loaded guns in our house and drugs all over. The police called our home a 'crack house'. She hated me and my husband blamed me because I called the police.
She was finally arrested and was sentenced to 18 months in rehab, 3 years probabation, 6 months in jail time served.
She is clean...I am not.
I have gone back to drinking and I smoke all day long.
How stupid can I be???? I hate myself, but have lost interest is even trying to stop. My marriage is in name only....I lost respect when he put money above family.
I am 51.....
Has anyone slipped this hard after more then 20 years clean? I come from an alcoholic father died of alcoholism at 56.
I need some motivation...




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