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Re: just having a bad day :( or is it life?

Posted by katalina on May 21, 2004, at 23:54:39

In reply to Re: just having a bad day :( or is it life? Rainee, posted by partlycloudy on May 20, 2004, at 12:14:15

Just wanted to share that I can relate to those bad days. They're just intensified under the labels. I swear ever since I turned 30 (33 now) I have had the worst pms of my life (I had two kids at 28 and 29). Since then I feel like a wretched old woman at least one full week every month. I took Effexor 75 mgs, Adderall 50 mgs., and Klonopin 1.5 mgs. daily. I now just take the adderall and klonopin (for the past 6-8 months actually) and feel pretty good except that one week. I just want to rip the skin off my face.

Today I took my 5 year old to register for kindergarten. I had my sister watch my 4 year old so I wouldn't be stressed. Meanwhile, all the other parents seem to have 10 kids with them (most of them unruly and not behaving) and the mothers are just oblivious to the noise and basic sensory overload. My pulse is easily 150 just observing the chaos and empathizing. Then I hear the woman next to me with 3 kids under 5 talking to her husband who's in Iraq on her cell. She's just cooly saying after she hangs up "well, it's hard having him gone, but what are you gonna do . . . ?" and she was sincere and truly happy despite the bad luck and place she was at in her life. She was a calm, loving parent, not an excuse maker. She wasn't talking herself into it, like I would have sounded hence something fein like that come out of my mouth in the hopes of sounding normal. Nope. Made me feel like a freak, even though I felt I had the right too. That's the hard part. For me anyway. Changing who I am - do I want to be someone who doesn't find fault with what's (in my opinion) wrong. I guess I just want to shorten the list of injustices in the world that I have to personally witness. People with their 7 small children and extendedm family in Wal-Mart at 10:00 p.m. on a Friday night. Makes me downright insane. So, now of course I avoid places like Walmart on Friday nights, because that sort of negative energy is overwhelmingly, bone seeringly painful to witness. It just negates the days dosages. Instantly. Yes, I want to accept other people's differences, but not to the point where I want to jab my ear drums out with a pen.

The world is full of people who don't feel things as intensely as others. The good and the bad - you know, that whole not being able to appreciate the sweet without the sour bit. I'd rather have 5 minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special (Steel Magnolias).

Hang in there - just know you're never alone. And there's people everywhere appearing to be something they're not. I've met plenty of upbeat people in my life who on the inside were the saddest people in the world.

Be kind to yourself, Katie




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