Posted by snapper on May 17, 2004, at 20:10:57
Hey Guys, saw my pdoc today and told him I did not think xanax was doing me any good.I wish it were so he reccomended that I d/c it like this ...decrease from 1mg t.i.d. by 1/2 mgevery 5days till I am down to last .5mg dose...... I have only been taking it for 4-5 weeks-before that I was on K - Not to bore anyone but it turns out that my resistance to meds over the years has a lot more to do with an Axis I dis-order (ie: personality disorder) which I think is accurate to a degree but I am just soooo miserable...(how can a personality dis-order cause so much anxiety,depression and suicidal thinking :<)
anyhow without going into the whole sad affair... does that dis-continuation schedule sound right? I am tenatively scheduled to have ect. in June and the ect docs' nurse told my dr.on the phone...while I was in his office that they wanted me to be off all benzos during ect procedure and I understand the reason for this, but I am just very nervous about the dis-continuation of xanax-. I am sick of the daily suicidal ideation, intense anxiety and fog that I am living in. On top of all of this, my pdoc says that I don't have any cognitive dysfunction..aaagghhhhh. Plus the doc who did the ect for me last time said that he was reluctant the first time to do the ect...even though I thought I had a good resposnse to it...(they) said that I was "non-compliant" -so he would not do it again for me, which left me feeling even more hopless, however my Dad contacted the ect.docs' nurse and said we wanted to know what they meant by non-compliant-and it appears that even though I WAS compliant with not taking my evening dose of Depakote and night time Klonopin-( both anti-seizure meds ) I went ahead and took my Klonopin during the day and that was something that I WAS NEVER told NOT to do. So in their eyes I was non-compliant!!! Anyhow the plus side is this: MY main pdoc has directly communicated with the ect. docs' nurse and hopefully the doors of communication are re-established for the ect doc (who is on vacation till 1st of June)then when he returns, I guess he will decide if he is going to decide if I actually get to have it done. Meanwhile my pdoc just told me to excercize and do some -non pharmacuetical things to help myself. I guess I am just neurotic and I am damned if I do and damned if I don't - I wish I had the motivation and energy to excercize -- My rational is that ect will get me 'un-depressed' so that my therapist and I can sort things out and work on my Grief and misery and learn to try and start to live a half way normal life again- I know that ect is not a cure but a least it would give me some respite to this daily agonizing and dibilitating brain dis-order. sorry for rambling and thanks for listening and any input. I seriously sometimes think it would be better to just return to my alcohol abusing days and at least my brain could relax-but I live w/ my folks and am on disabilty so I don't think a daily bath of alcohol to my brain would be very feasible from $$ standpoint and a place to live stand point! damn this f*&**ng mental illness crap. I want to enjoy life again but it does'nt appear to be on the horizon anytime real soon!
snapper
poster:snapper
thread:347965
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040515/msgs/347965.html