Posted by Dog on December 10, 2003, at 15:26:03
In reply to Re: Wellbutrin for anxiety wha???, posted by DeeJay on December 10, 2003, at 11:06:49
Boy, "surreal" is such a a good word to describe it.. thank you for that... we had hospice and they were pretty helpful mostly... the Dr. thru them had given us morphine to give Mom and toward the last it seemed to help her pain, she went to sleep, but then she just kind of lapsed into this breathing thing where she was making a sound like a moan with each exhale...she did that for hours... we all knew the end was very near... there was just me and my wife with her and my sister and bro in law in the other room when she breathed her last... my sister didn't think she could handle it and was crying in the other room...so, Mom was making this moaning sound with each breath, then, all of sudden, it was about 2 am her breathing rhythm abruptly changed in sound and time... i can't now remember if it was slower... i think it was slower... i was over her holding her hand and touching her cheek and all of a sudden it seemed like she just leaned up out of the bed, but it was surreal, that is such an excellent word to describe it... and it was like spiritual too... i can't describe it very well but i'll never forget it! like slow motion..then she went back down and that was it... i couldn't tell if she was still breathing for a few moments... i put my ear down to her mouth/nose and felt nothing... then i felt for a pulse and couldn't find one... then i noticed the color of her face was changing to this sort of grayish color..i told my sister i thought she'd died and then my sister screamed...
i sort of remember being cold like you said you did, but i was tired and i don't remember the coldness as much... we'd been up for several days on and off and i know i was sleep deprived...but the thing i'll never forget is her raising up out of her bed and in retrospect it was like her spirit was leaving her body then... i still don't know for sure if she actually physically raised up any, but it sure looked like it...but "surreal"... that is such a good word to describe it...what is your B.A. in? my B.A. is in Biology at Knox College in Galesburg IL...
thats neat you're a Psychiatrist's Asst....to be a Psychiatrist's Asst., what sort of training/degree do you have to have?you're right too about being fortunate... 5 of my best friends are dead now due to accidents involving drugs and drinking... all young men that i was close to...i miss them...
> Thanks for sharing...you know, your story about the guy who was affected by drugs reminded me of my best friend in high school, (whom I have forgotten for some GOD AWFUL reason, shame on me)who did the lsd and other stuff with me. He was way worse and ended up getting in a bad semi-auto accident. By semi, I mean he was in the back of a truck, drunk, and the driver of the truck had stopped at a red light when my friend decided he was going to get out and move to the inside. Well, he didn't tell anyone this, so the light turned green and he was semi run over and his head got bounced around to the point of a week long coma. (all of this while my mom was on the brink) After that, he never functioned the same and ended up becoming Pentecost, the total opposite of the "punk" kid he used to be. Now he's fine, but the docs beleive both heavy usage and trauma have left him half the person he was. He had severe anxiety, loss of memory, social phobia, learning problems and severe depression. I know he was on meds, but not sure what kind.
>
> About your mom, I was there when mine died too. The most surreal thing ever in my life. She had cancer, died at age 52. Did you experience a strange cold feeling surround you in her midst of leaving?....I swear it was her soul or some magical unexplainable step in death.
>
> After typing my story about my friend, it makes me realize that things aren't all that bad. I'm actually a psychiatrist's assistant at a major hospital, so I have a pretty good insight to what I'm feeling, what dope I need/don't need, and the Wellbutrin just didn't make sense. Funny how this thread had turned into memory lane. It's more like a "thread combo" because all the info. coincides with both grief and medication, why we are the way we are, and what to do to make each day better. I'm still working on that. I applaud you for thinking about finishing school. You've journeyed farther than me, I stopped at my B.A. but I wouldn't change what I'm doing for anything.
>
> I must get back to work, and appreciate all the responses I've gotten..
>
> Cheers, >clanking of the glasses<
> and I'll have another!
>
> Deej
poster:Dog
thread:285859
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031208/msgs/288490.html