Posted by katia on November 19, 2003, at 15:36:59
In reply to Re: Not doing too well :-(, posted by Dalilah on November 18, 2003, at 23:14:10
> I hope I didn't sound too judgemental. I know not everyone can do it and not everyone needs to. I did need to.
**NOT AT ALL. As I said in my last post, I appreciate the stories and feedback.
> And to answer your second question, I did not even realize I had depression until I stopped. Just like you said - when I stop I realize how depressed I am. Well I was so depressed I couldn't get out of bed. This wasn't til I had like 3 years sober and my body was coming out of the alcohol induced fog.
**I wouldn't call my experiences and the way I've lived in an alcohol induced fog. I don't know what that entailed for you (like how much did you drink?). I've always tried to keep it in check and it's always been a battle between being healthy and falling prey to drinking. And the drinking for me was a last resort. During the past four years, I've also been in therapy and grad school, doing lots of yoga/meditating - developing a strong spiritual awareness. So through this, it lessened - my abuse. But still I remained depressed and kept thinking it was "dark" stuff i needed to process - things were stirring up in me i thought. But that's bollocks b/c it went on for years and it took a major major crisis last summer for me to wake up to it all. That's when I began my journey w/ antidepressants for a year and not working for me, I got a bipolar dx in June. Throughout the years (esp. this year), I go weeks without drinking, (like now), but then can't hang on anymore and slip up. For me, it's not all or nothing in regards to me not being able to find the right med combo because I'm so abstinent or moderate now. I've got so much awareness around it, it's hard to hide behind it anymore. I know it'd be best to stop altogether and all I can say is today I'm sober. one day at a time with a goal as not to drink ever.
I've got a delicate and sensitive constitution too - (no wonder - everything else is sensitive!). I'm similar to you in that regard.
How old are you?