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Re: Hello gals...

Posted by fluffy on November 6, 2003, at 10:39:32

In reply to Re: Hello gals... katia, posted by BarbaraCat on November 6, 2003, at 1:24:21

Hi again you guys--

You know, I just ended up having a "blah" day yesterday. Sometimes I have just a bad attitude about all of this...like, "why did I get dealt this hand...it's just not fair." I was thinking last night, and I just came to the conclusion that what we have is something like an immune disorder of the mind. Try as we may, we just have to avoid the things that can put us at risk for getting sick, just like someone with H.I.V. has to avoid places and people who have colds or the flu, etc. I was feeling a little guilty last night for complaining as I do. But hey--I just had a bad day. And all in all, i am feeling WAAAAAY more stable than I did a month ago. So as much as I would like to continue living my life in a carefree manner--staying up late to work in my studio, going out and partying, having good sex with men I don't care about--it's just not worth it anymore. I guess I'm just in the process of "mourning the loss of my healthy self." But the truth is, that it wasn't my healthy self...it was my UNHEALTHY, moody unstable self.

Anyway--even though my mood as of late has been on the dysthymic side, I can at least deal, and try to exercise and get good sleep now. Complain, complain, complain. It's hard not to be riddled with fear about the future.

And I think I'm opting to get the contraption removed from my uterus. If anything, it would be nice to not have HORRIBLE, stabbing cramps, and a period that lasts for TWO WEEKS!

I'm making an appt. with my gyno today, and I'll see about the hormone tests. As for the thyroid business...I guess I was hoping in a weird way that it was off, b/c I know it can cause rapid cycling, and synthroid can be a mood stabilizer. Also, my mom has thyroid problems, and it's always seemed like a more palatable solution to my mood problems than the dreaded Bipolar label.

Anyway--I'll keep in touch. Gals...I hope you feel better soon! Barb-cat and Katia, I can't thank you enough for your understanding. And I also really wish we could get together and have a nice, long talk face to face.

hugs,
Katy


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