Posted by kelsi111 on October 9, 2003, at 13:51:53
In reply to Adult ADD/ADHD Relationship Problems..please help, posted by Orion703 on August 12, 2000, at 13:12:26
first off, I have ADHD, fairly severely. So i do understand what your fiancee is going through and how he feels. But at the same time
I don't feel as if all the relationship problems are now your fault as the "normal" one. His psychologist is a real jerk and nutcase
if he makes you feel as if it is your fault. And maybe you just internalized it badly. You had said that there have been problems the
past two years, and it's been "falling apart". Well, to me it doesn't sound like you heard the words ADHD and then decided a perfectly
good realtionship was bad because of it. Having ADHD isn't an excuse for bad behavior. People are still responsible for their actions.
It's okay if you can't deal with it and you shouldn't feel as if you have to sacrifice yourself upon the alter of ADHD for him. Now,
ADHD also has good things, sponaitey, creativiness, being on the go, exciting. Maybe you like that in him. Life likes equilbrium and
everything has it's trade offs.It just really makes me mad when people push their own short commings off upon other people. If he had an anger control problem and kept
hitting you would you say, well, it's not his fault, it's just the way his brain is wired, he really does love me. No, he'd have to control
himself or loose the relationship. It's the same thing here. No one is perfect and there will be troubles, but that's life. It's not your
fault if you can't handle it and anyone who says it is your fault is silly. However, I do hope that you can handle it and that he can
handle it and you guys have a happy life together. And I hope that he doesn't blame all his troubles on his ADHD, it is a part of who he is
and a part of his personality.
poster:kelsi111
thread:42692
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031004/msgs/267333.html