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Re: Opioids and Depression

Posted by Kon-shuss on September 13, 2003, at 7:57:51

In reply to Re: Opioids and Depression, posted by Nala on October 3, 2002, at 16:21:17

Finally(!)....with much thanks(!)...I have found a site/posting/forum with people like me [who have Treatment-Resistant/Refractory ((Severe)) DEPRESSION]...{unipolar}. And the best part is(!!!), you R all discussing perhaps the BIGgest delima in my life: Trying 2 explain 2 the Docs that the ONLY Medications that Greatly(!) Relieves my horrible Symptoms of Severe Depression (u know the feelings) is that of the Opiate/Opioid full agonists: Morphine, Hydrocodone, and [especially] Oxycodone. Codeine does not however...it seems my body lacks enough enzymic-action to convert it too morphine (i get bad stomach cramps w/ it; OR more likely, it is a relatively weak opiate agonist all while being a partial antagonist as well.
**** To clearify my situation, i'm a 24yr old male struggling with severe mental pain (aka)Severe Depression. It hit me at the peak of my mental and physical peak in life. I was an avid runner and 'jym-junky', enjoying the symbiotic relationship with being strong, mind-body-soul.....all while - euphorically - sucking in every last drop of endorphins, and well, life. On top of that, me being a single male of 19yrs going head-on into college, down-wind of all the female pheromones; hormones all off-the-charts. You cant get that much better in life!
Then 'it' hit me. My depression hit with such precision, that i can -to this day- recall the exact moment, place, and time to where my whole life since then has been a downward-spiral of unexplained hopelessness, dispair, sadness, anxiety, and wanting ALL the pain to end: suicide planning.
To make the long story short for now, after the first year, i was convinced i had mono, anemia, cancer, thyroid problems, something physically wrong. At first it seemed just like i was coming down with the flu or a cold, BUT it never progressed into the cold or flu, .... it just felt like something was sucking the "lifeforce" slowly right out of me. ...I wanted answers....anything to explain my intense fatigue; hypersomnia; no motivation; guilt; shame; sadness.
So jump foreward two years; I was finally diagnosed with Severe Depression, after a full battery of physical blood tests [and the later: psycological tests], urinology, physicals. Mono, anemia, cancer, HIV, liver, kidney, blood, thyroid, .....U name it, they tested it: all results came back negative. As far as the physical tests were concerned, i was "fit as a fissle". As for the Hamilton Depression Scale Test, I was a positive for EVERY Q. So finally, i was diagnosed right.

The bad part is, little did i know that i would fit in and become one of the few, the not-so-proud, the Treatment-Resistant/Refractory catagory 4 severe unipolor, atypical, depression.
****Now just 2 jump back 2 the begining from all this for a second, one very important clue has to be stated: As i stated before, i was an avid health and exercise person; pumpin' iron, running, and just overall being in tip-top physical shape, not to mention mentally from the stress relieving endorphins my body avidly produced during my day-to-day activities. My critical clue-point is: when my depression hit me that one day, back when I thought I was just "comming down with something", I just didn't "throw in the towel"....running and weight-training was a passion for me; a deep rooted source of self-contentment and happiness. I kept runnun' and going to the gym, but at a lesser intensity level, cuz I felt kinda sick. This same type of "less-intense workouts" in the past boosted my immune system (by increased metabololism/nutrient uptake/ect.) to such a point my colds where gone in 2 days flat and the flu's where defeated in half normal time...
... ... BUT something was different this time. No matter how intense or less intense i worked out, it just litterally(!) seemed like my body was not producing it's natural pain-killin' endorphins/enkalphins that made working out worthwhile. I even took breaks, a week, sometimes two weeks at a time, figuring i might me overstrenuating myself in some way, even though it made no sense; I felt perfect before and had a complete lack of injuries. All these clues and signs hit me one day.
***That day was after being treat {totally} unsuccessfully for 2+ years buy the docs: Max doses and duration of Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft, Effexor; and max augmention (boosters) of the following: Wellbutrin, Trazodone, Lithium, Depakote, and even Dextroamphetamine. Not even titrated-augmentation Dexadrine 50mg/day w/ 375mg day Effexor XR could pull me out of my "funk" and release me from my fatigue. I mean, it's speed for "crikes-sake"!
********)here's the end folks...please bare w/me..........so anyway....back to that "day" i was talking about. I realized a theory that my source(s) of depression were merely NOT becuase of decreased Serotonin, hence the multiple SSRIs, SNRI.......but rather, there is some sort of deficiency with my endocrine systems, specifically the endorphine and enkalphine systems. I have perposely and adevertently proved this to my self, personally. First, lets be frank and honest here folks; for those of us who have a severe disabling mental-illness, the issue of self-medicating certainly comes up, especially if the "non-habit-forming" Rx the doc gave you isn't doing a thing but give you severely-uncomfortable withdraw symtoms when you happen to stop taking them (that's a whole other issue). Self-medicating is a survival instinct and means something is still wrong. I found out alcohol makes me 10x depressed, now matter what setting i'm in.....so laterz for the booz. Medical-grade Marijuana helped greatly for mild to moderate depression in my case at one particular period of time. It lifted me out of the pessimistic-thought cycle, increased my motivation for hope and future goals, and increased my appetite (my depression reaked havoch on my need to eat. But let me say again: Cannabis (Marijuana) can help mild to moderate depression, not the severe type... ... and most importantly, Marijuana effects people different-as oppossed to Nicotine or alcohol- so keep in mind that Medical Marijuana IS NOT FOR EVERYONE.

*****
**** But, through and through, at times during my past years of Depression, I had a few left over Vicodans[hyrocodone/tylenol] from a prior wisdom tooth pulling, and a couple Percocets[oxycodone/tylenol]....also some TYLENOL#3[codeine].....I guess i just hung on to them in case of a really bad fever or stubbed toe or something else painfull rather.
We'll, as fate had it, there was a remarkable antidepressant effect upon taking the recommended dosage of Vicodan and especially Percocet (1-2 pills every 4-6hrs).

**** For the first time since this dark cloud of disabling-depressive sadness made it's home within my head, i felt alive again, NORMAL...if that makes any sense. This was not at all my very first experience taking a RX narcotic. Like when i was 16 and went snowboarding at a local resort,
my second run down, I landed pretty hard on my ar'ss and got a bad headache. So a friend at the time gave me half a regular Vicodan as i can remember. Man(!) i was knocked-out, sedated. I spent the rest of the day sleeping in the van, as the others shredded the slopes. But that was before my now-seemed "endorphine" depression. Back then, that little bit of Opioid [hydrocodone] combined with a healthy, already, endorphine juiced-up brain was an overload. A knock-out pill 2 me at the time.

That was years ago; these years are new now....new of trials and tribulationals with the docs; hopelessness and utter mental-pain, with all these drugs being tried on me with no resolve or avail....they barely keep afloat from suicide.....a good thing yes, but for being on it, weather it be Paxil of Effexor, they start to lose their even miniscule effect of keeping me just barely afloat. I suffer withdraw symptoms that resemble siezure-like shocks, passing-out, rebound drepression, more sucidal thoughts, and anxiety.

But when oxycodone or other strong opioid enters my system now....I feel no sedation, no 'high', no "hopped-up", drugged-up euphoria and imparment,..........I feel as though the dark clouds of depression have been chased off atleat for the time....ohhhh what a wonderfull sensation of feeling normal, back to my past of having energy, not fatigue, back to smiling, instead of crying, back to hope where there was once hopelessness, and motivation instead of moping, and peace instead of anxiety, and restfull dreaming apart from restless nightmares. A paradoxial reaction i say it is. Such an earlier and similar question confused the medical communty: Why give amphetamines, speed, ADDeral, Ritalin [controlled substances normally reserved for narcoleptics]['addictive'] to children and adults whom have ADD/ADHD; people who act as though they are already on stimulants? Why? Because it just works....a paradoxial effect. The same goes for me....:Why give me an addictive, controlled substance, normally reserved for ones in great physical pain, to someone like me who looks as though I'm allready on narcotics: sleepiness, fatige, dull and slow thought process, dull mood, ect? Becuase it just works, .....a paradoxial effect....symptoms reversed! Also, this shouldn't be suprising, that since opiate/opioids elieviate physical pain, why not psychological pain? But of course it cant be denied: Coventional antidepressents (SSRIs;SNRIs;TCAs;and MAOIs) help, eleviate, and repress the same symptoms i have. I wish i was one of those, but i'm not...i have a unique case of being in that small percentage of those who don't respond. I'm not some 'druggy' looking to get high; i'm a person who was once healthy, but now is ill. All i wish is to have my syptoms repressed, so i can go back and catch up to my dreams and life that have been put on hold, and forget the "old life" that even threatened my own being: The ideas for a quick-fix exit out of serious pain: suicide.

I have great hope now for a medicine -that I know with all my being- that will work againts my impending doom of Depression: Time-released Oxycontin prescrbed in conjunction with Nolexone(sp?) to solve the problems of tolerance and long-term use.

The greatest challenge of all will be to communicate this with the well "established-minded" and "Pharmacuitical Company-Programed" Western Medical Doctors,...my fate lies within them.

Thankyou all for reading my thoughts and convictions,
With Hope And Sincerety,

Gabriel H. Croissant


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Psycho-Babble Medication | Framed

poster:Kon-shuss thread:120871
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030912/msgs/259582.html