Posted by katia on September 4, 2003, at 0:42:11
In reply to Re: A glass of dopamine » katia, posted by BarbaraCat on September 3, 2003, at 23:29:10
>>It's much more than severe depression because of the explosive wailing and gnashing of teeth aspect and the total out of control nightmare quality.
Well what I've experienced has been much more energetic than most "depressives" have experienced with their depression. In fact a friend of mine who let me stay in her place last summer when I got back from Scotland was frightened at the intensity of my energy and anger. and she even has had a life time of depression.
I feel out of control and lash out physically if there is a boyfriend in sight. I throw things out of utter anguish and could ruin the most precious painting or family hierloom and wouldn't have control over my actions. I feel like I am in a tornado of hell - lots of energy and it's tormenting and I'm just lashing out left and right exhausted, but wired - more than wired. I would hike for hours in the midst of this depression just to release energy after having had maybe 4-5 hours of sleep. I scratch myself, beat my head against the floor/wall, howl, and fight. I get completely out of control. and lose touch a bit with reality as I'm so encased in my own agony writhing on the floor clutching my stomach. Mixed state?
I've kicked out a window of my moving car and then opened the door and tried to jump out of it going 60mph just for spite to get away from my then boyfriend driving. THANK GOD, HE GRABBED ME! stuff like this; I could go on and on. I've heard that dysphoric mania is the same as mixed state.
I must say, my lettuce has never talked. That must be a scary place too.
I think I'll abstain too. I just want to sort this med thing out. I felt rather good today.
we'll see if it rides out. I hate this unstability. You never know how you'll feel so you can't make that first date arrangement or the job interview, etc.