Posted by PhilipCarey on July 31, 2003, at 21:24:22
I'm in a tough spot myself these days. I have an appt with GP tomorrow. Remeron and Zoloft were the only two ADs that I ever took at therapeutic levels, and then only the minimum.
I have to ask the doc for *something* tomorrow. I tried completely going without after stopping Remeron, some three weeks ago. For two and a half weeks I felt good; improved, like the Remeron fog had lifted. Then I fell into a deep pit for a couple of days. I had some ancient Paxil from a long time ago, and took a crumb of that, and that helped that afternoon.
See, ADs don't affect me in a normal way. I cycle through them within a six or so hour period. For instance, I'd take zoloft, and have a slightly foggy, benzo like feeling for an hour to hour and a half, then it'd kick in really well, and I'd feel great; really energized for around 2 or so hours, then I'd come back down and be dog tired by the afternoon. And that happened every day! Believe me, I liked the highs, but ultimately it's no way to live. Remeron I took at night, and I guess I slept through most of it, but all the next day I'd be sort of sedated. Given a choice between anxiety ridden and sedated, I'll take sedated, but ultimately, that too is unsatisfying.
I'm just in a quandary. I don't know what to try. A couple of meds that I gave one day trials were Effexor: absolutely hated it and could not leave the couch. Prozac had me very agitated and paranoid. Wellbutrin gave me a full blown panic attack. Serzone I kind of liked in a Zoloft sort of way. Hell, it almost felt like acid (which I foolishly tried when I was a kid... gotta admit it was fun though); but the excellent feeling on Serzone only worked if it was not taken daily, as one should an AD. It too would make me go up, experience a high, and then crash, all within 7 hours. I don't know what that rapid cycling is indicative of. I don't think I'm bipolar. I'm pretty much unipolar depressive. Almost anhedonic.
I don't know what to try. I'm thinking of asking the doc for some Provigil. I tried Strattera (along with the Remeron), and the combination made me dumb as a rock; I mean slurring of speach dumb. Yikes!
Whatever the label is that I am, its characteristics are low mood, I'd call it anhedonia, low energy, and when I'm not on Remeron, a pretty anxious sort of depression. That and crappy concentration, and inability to remember names (just a horrible memory in general).
I used to try to self medicate as a kid, and felt that I felt best, most focused, and had a capacity for joy, when I took some sort of street stimulant. All I know is that yesterday I was in a deep pit, and broke down and took 15mgs of Remeron. And sure enough, no pit today, but Remeron just dulls you so (both a good and bad thing simultaneously).
Does anybody have any ideas about what to ask for. Maybe another AD? Never tried a mood stabilizer or Lamictal either.
Right now I'm leaning toward asking for Provigil. I suspect I'd like the harder stims, but somehow doubt my GP would go for it.
It just seems I've been down for so long, it's hard to see up.