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Re: Effexor, Prozac, Zoloft...HELP! p.s. to jtc

Posted by zinya on June 30, 2003, at 22:01:30

In reply to Re: Effexor, Prozac, Zoloft...HELP!, posted by jtc on June 29, 2003, at 23:42:06

p.s. JTC:

Obviously, the "technique" for listening that i suggested to try with your 9-year-old would be something to do in modified form with your 4-year-old too as she's already at an age that she can start having anxieties she might not be voicing, and it would be good for her to learn already it's truly okay for her to talk about them to you...

And the "technique" is originally one for use with couples, so if you follow Cher's advice and encourage having the conflicts with your husband happen when you two are alone, you could also add trying this technique to the suggestions Cher already made. Model it by asking him first to be the talker, ask him to lay out what's bothering him, listen to him without interrupting, and then tell him back what you hear him saying, let him "correct" anything he realizes by hearing back from you might sound different than he intended, and then respond to his "complaints" -- by telling him now it's his turn to listen until you finish and then he can tell you what he heard you saying, etc. THEN if you have your own extra issues with him that didn't already emerge in responding to what he brought up, you can repeat the whole cycle by starting with your turn to tell him what's bothering you about him (some of which may already have come up so don't rehash again in same setting).

I do think your marital situation needs outside counseling from what i hear, but this is a strategy often employed and imo the single best 'technique' any duo can learn to apply -- in either "set-aside time" in a kind of formal way following all the "rules" or as needed, in an adapted way that gradually teaches people to listen more fully without interruption before responding and to first say back what you heard bfore rebutting or countering...

well, i guess that's more 4 cents' worth :)
z


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URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030624/msgs/238290.html