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Re: FEAR-Why, Why, Why???? » KrissyP

Posted by Ilene on February 28, 2003, at 14:00:11

In reply to FEAR-Why, Why, Why????, posted by KrissyP on February 26, 2003, at 1:24:06

> I have been in and out of one on one and group therapy since 1996. I feel like I need to talk to someone,I am not currently in any kind of therapy. I am so very afraid of a lot of things: my future, going back to work, and success. I wasn't always like this-it started after a break up with a boyfriend and my dad was doing drugs and it affected me so bad because I love him. Anyway, the depression and my "sense of direction" has never been the same. I was so desperate, that in Nov 1999, I received shock treatments. I don't know if anyone has had them? Back to fear,I constantly compare myself to my friends who are working (I am on disability for my depression and bipolar) and fear has just overwhelmed me and my life. I feel pressured to live up to expectations I have put on myself and other sources. Why oh why am I so afraid to suceed? I am, which has been a long process due to my instability, trying so hard to earn my BA finally and of all majors I chose Psychology and Health, which I do love. I want to be stable to enter Nursing School eventually, but am so scared of my future, if I will have a career, a husband, and stability again, this is really bothering me. Any feedback would be helpful.
> Thank you

I can't say, "I know just how you feel," but I think we have a lot in common.

It's not a mystery: the fear is a symptom. Once I figured that out I had a little less need to talk about it, and it was a little less frightening. Yeah, I know. Frightened about being fearful,

I am often fearful about my future. A lot like you. I know the fear is absolutely, completely, and totally irrational, but there it is.

It just occurred to me--wouldn't it would be strange for a bipolar *not* to have symptoms? Not that all depressed BPers are fearful, but it's not uncommon.

I managed to get my degree--it took an incredibly long time--get married, have kids. No actual career. Everything is going down, down, down despite my education, family, relative financial stability. I am very sensitive about not being able to work. I don't feel pressured to live up to expectations, exactly, but it is more than just a sore spot.

I don't think fear is something I can "work on" other than knowing it is there and finding some things that can distract me, like posting messages. Even advocates of cognitive-behavioral and other psychotherapies concede that BPers need medication.

So I try new meds and try not to let myself be paralyzed. I've almost stopped asking myself why this is happening to me. I just know what I need most of all is medication that *works.*

Please post again.

--I.

PS: I'd like to hear about your experience with ECT. It's been mentioned.


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poster:Ilene thread:203910
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