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Re: Severe Depression--brain feels like a vegetable cubbybear

Posted by Daffy on February 15, 2003, at 20:20:26

In reply to Severe Depression--brain feels like a vegetable, posted by cubbybear on February 15, 2003, at 6:15:07

> Hello to everyone,
> I've gotten some very supportive posts previously about the agony of severe depression. I need reassurance and help again, since I live alone, have a very limited support system, I don't want to bother my couple of colleague/friends more than I've already done, and my pdoc has gotten really turned off (if not adamant) about my dashing over to see him outside of our regularly scheduled hours. (I'm American and have been living in Bangkok for 4 years. For the first three, I had the greatest years of my life, but the last 9 months have seen one agony heaped onto another, sending me into the category of mental illness. It's just too long a story to get into here.)
> I know that thousands if not millions of people out there must be living a life of daily hell, as I see from reading this board. For those who must endure severe depression, or who have to count the interminable days while tapering off a useless or even "harmful" AD drug to start up another one and THEN having to wait weeks before the new one kicks in, can you relate to the endless suffering, the feeling that your brain may be damaged, you feel like a vegetable, you have an incurable illness that will never end? Maybe you're not the kind who would dare consider ending it all--but you wonder how in the name of God you will have the strength to get through much more of it.
> My ONLY hope at this point is MAO Parnate. I will be flying back to the U.S. in 2 weeks to get this med which did wonders for me for 18 years. It's not available here in Thailand. Since I have so much faith in this medication, based on 18 years' experience with it, I'm banking my entire life on success with it again, and purchased a round-trip ticket so I can return here with the Parnate and recuperate here rather than go back to the U.S. jobless and homeless.
> Now, can you commisserate with me?
> Does this apply to you and your severe depression?
> You don't want to eat ANYTHING
> You have lost ALL interest in sex
> Your sleep patterns are completely messed up or unpredictable
> You can't or can barely concentrate on reading
> Even the "small" tasks of daily life, like changing bed linens seem like major chores
> You feel like your brain has been irreversibly damaged and can never be fixed
> You will never get out of this nightmare of living hell.
> But somehow you go on. .somehow. ..
> I want my Parnate now. I want it fast and I hope it will kick in as quickly as possible. But I'll have to wait out this living hell for about another 5 more weeks. (2 weeks until I travel + kick-in period). I pray that I can do it. Does this horrible illness always come to an end when we find the "right" medication? I'm a male, 54, bawling like a baby at the computer, not knowing how I will be able to endure the stresses and hassles of the 17 hour flight to Los Angeles, but I must get these meds fast. (Believe me, they can't be shipped here; all the research I've done and my family has done shows that I have to personally go to the U.S. to get it.). We talk about coping strategies. I feel so horrible that I don't even have the energy to ride my bike or even consider doing it. The only relief I get is at night, when the Klonopin I take (usually) puts me to sleep so I'm not consciously thinking of the torture
> Please help, commisserate, share ideas. . . I need anyone and everyone who can help ease my pain and terror about the future, tell me that you, too, have been through it, and that some day, hopefully soon, I will get well again.

I feel for ya man, I go thru the same thing and the one thing that always works for me is opiates. It takes care of ALL symptoms. Gives me energy, motivation, and spirit. I no longer care what others think, I am outgoing rather than oppressed. The best thing of all, it doesn't seem to affect my ability to think clearly.
In all, it makes me feel normal, but a very good normal :)
The reason I mention this as a soloution is because of where you are. It should be cheap and relatively easy to find. I would assume you have never used this before or you would already have taken care of your problem, so I will tell you this. In powdered form you would only need *a few grains*. Please be careful if you go this route.




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