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Re: Guy, Talk to me

Posted by Guy on February 15, 2003, at 18:41:49

In reply to Guy, Talk to me, posted by linkadge on February 15, 2003, at 18:14:51

Hi Link,

For what it's worth, here is some of the mess that constitutes my life.

1. Is it constant nagging or is it sharp hits.

Constant, from morning tilll night. It is better if I play cards or the like...still there but I can almost forget it for a bit.

2. What physical symptoms acompany it. How do
mental and pysical symptoms compare.

Headache, neckache, backache and constant knot in stomach

3. Is there a component of fear, Is it fear
like something bad will happen ?

Fear that brain is malfunctioning and that I may have to kill myself. Also, fear of insomnia because that amplifies my symptoms.

4. Do you have a pressure to suceeed. Whith me,
I always had this -thing- inside of me pushing
me telling me I can/must do better.

I always push myself to please others. My mother-in-law hates me and thinks I'm a loser. I have struggled with sexual ambiguity all of my life.

5. What kinds of actions provoke the worst
symptoms? Thoughts of failure, anxiety about
performance.

The physical symptoms themselves make me frightened. I can stand up in front of a crowd and make a presentation with no problem. When the physical pain hits, I immediately start thinking about suicide.

6. Does the anxiety seem to be the source or do
you think its secondary to mood.

I am a very pessimistic person and am depressed about loss of dreams, future and ability to function normally. I used to be a long distance runner and a nature purist type. Now I am on powerful meds (Remeron and clonazepam) and do not have energy to run and feel good.

7. Most importantly - what thoughts acompany it?
Heart Attack, death, bombs dropping,
upcoming tests, pain, social interaction etc.

Despair...feeling my brain is shot and that I will have to commit suicide. There is a lot of genetic stuff here, too: mother severe alcoholic, father suicide, mother's father alcoholic, mother's brother alcoholic, mother's sister pills, alcohol and suicide, first cousin drug-induced schitzophrenia. Everyone above average intelligence but totally screwed up.


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poster:Guy thread:200731
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030214/msgs/200773.html