Posted by Jaynee on February 1, 2003, at 22:50:37
In reply to Re: Loss of Hope, posted by Guy on February 1, 2003, at 20:41:23
Here is an email from my best friend who has been diagnosed with Cancer. They told her about 2 or so years ago she had only 6 months to live. She has been my biggest support during my bouts of depression and she inspires me more than anyone, she shows me what hope is. So when I complain about some side-effects from my AD, I think of what she goes through and I want to love life again, and I am willing to fight for it as well. If one pill doesn't work keep on trying until you get it right.
Here is part of her email:
All that said, I have to write my story - kind of an extreme bankruptcy or survivor story I guess. Would love to do this as a
stand up comedy but need to write the damn thing first! I've been giving some thought to what you asked me months ago
about "how I do this?""Incurable, inoperable, difficult, complex, unfortunate, probably not respond to treatment"
60,000 miles travelled over 3 continents with 17 flights
Moved 7 times in 2 years
8 surgeries leaving 11 scars
Hospitalized 8 times
Lost my hair 2 times
Lost my fertility
Lost my english school business in Japan, my St. Bernard dog, and my container of goods which had just arrived from
Indonesia to finally open my Bed & Breakfast in Japan which I'd been renovating and personally investing in for a year.Lost my life insurance when I returned to Canada for treatment and now ineligible for other life insurance.
Lost my personal possessions in Japan, many friendships, etc.
Lost my puppy which I got at the beginning of chemo but had to give away because I was too sick to care for it properly.
Lost all my savings.
Costs of my medical treatment and living expenses not covered by MSP and financial assistance so far is well over
$200.000.00. (I have to check with XXX and parents on that one. I'm sure it's much higher than that.)Additional costs such as courier fees, long distance charges, vitamins, alternative medicine consults, new clothing to replace
what was lost in Japan and fit changed lifestyle an fluctuations in size due to treatment, etc.Currently living with an unidentified brain lesion, continuing radiation treatments, residual tumor and implants in my heart and
heart vessels, daily pain, restricted movement and sleep disruption.Living without a bank account for over 2 years and cannot qualify for a loan of any kind.
Living as a single woman with no dependents without a partner for emotional, social, financial support.
Quality of Life dependent on government disability assistance (welfare) $850.00/mo. - (examples of this means no vacations,
no access to cultural/sport venues, no drycleaning, no organic food, no more vitamins, no massage, no bicycle, no new shoes,
no skiing, no fine dining, etc. It means by the end of the month I'm often counting the pieces of fruit and vegies I have left,
cashing in my collected change a the corner store, not buying fresh fish anymore, doing all my cooking 3 times a day every
day, even watering down my shampoo and counting Q-tips believe it or not. Other things too but I can' t list them all.Anyhow XXXXXX, when I made up this list the other day I just thought yeah, this has been hell. It's kind of amazing I haven't
ended up on a psychiatric ward, jumped off a bridge or been charged for assault. But you know, it's the simple fact that I
can find inspiration in everything and honestly feel it in my blood (my central nervous system) that provides me the motivation
to live this life. If people do not know how to recognize this inspiration and extract it from their environment for themselves
and others in their life, then they have no beauty in their lives and they're not living.Got to take a break from the computer - pain!!! Hope you like the rambles above. love XX
poster:Jaynee
thread:138804
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030130/msgs/138841.html