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Re: psychotherapy making you worse?

Posted by LostBoyinNCLives on January 14, 2003, at 18:27:30

> After a turbulent therapy session yesterday, things just kept getting worse.
> My therapist reminded me that I had spoken to my father about the fact that I was stretched as thin as I could stretch, and that they were going to have to hire people to do things they used to rely on me to do - like mowing the lawn or helping with the major cleaning or taking the occasional cab. I'd help them with the hiring, and the paying if they needed it, but I was a bit past my limit right now with being a mom, wife, and worker. Everything is behind now and I just can't take any more on.
> My father took it well and agreed (although he thinks all they need help with is the lawn). My mother told me last night that she is going to do the lawn herself. Of course she isn't, she can't. She hasn't even walked into the back yard for years. I interpreted her remark as "I'm going to make this difficult for you" or even at my most generous as "I'm going to fight every step of the way for my independence and I hate asking help of outsiders." This is the same woman who waited for hours at the repair shop because they couldn't locate me to bring her home. My husband ended up getting home before I did, and picking her up. I told her that sometimes she's just got to take a cab and she responded that she doesn't take cabs. That's what family is for.
> I can't do for them what she wants me to do, it is beyond my capabilities. But I am beginning to face how difficult they're going to make life for me anyway, even if I don't (because I can't) give in.
> So last night I woke up with such strong urges for self harm that I woke up my husband and asked him to tie my hands. He just got angry, and I dropped it and instead did creative visualization that my hands were anchored to the bed and couldn't take my bottle of klonopin, or cut, or drive the car to run away from home.
> I dread the middle of the night sometimes. It's the worst time for these things. The time when I can't distract myself with other things. Is it really so bad to have my hands tied before I go to bed? Is there another way to physically restrain myself so that these urges don't torment me in the middle of the night? I know it all seems rather extreme, but I am concerned what will happen to me as the pressure increases. The middle of the night is a vulnerable time for impulsive actions. I don't want to be hospitalized. That seems extreme. But I would like the safety of not having to fight the urges.

Hi Dinah, I dont read many of your posts as I dont visit Psychobabble all that much. However whenever I do, I notice that you seem very much engrossed in psychotherapy, talk about your therapist a lot and seem to be interested in pop psychology things a lot. But I remember you mentioning your dx a few is schizoaffective disorder right? Im not coming down on you, but schizoaffective disorder is considered to be a pretty severe psychiatric diagnosis. If I am not mistaken, schizoaffective disorder is a combination of bipolar disorder with schizophrenia like symptoms. Isnt that correct?

Im not saying this to come down on you, Im truly not. However if your dx is a major psych disorder like schizoaffective or bipolar disorder, talk psychotherapy is NOT going to fix you. At best all it is is an adjunctive treatment, I see it sort as like the frosting on the cake or dessert. Meds are the meat and potatos and the veggies. For something like schizoaffective or bipolar disorder, medications are the "core" treatment. I dont see you talk much about medications on this board, mostly you seem interested in talk therapy, your therapist, etc. I honestly think you are barking up the wrong tree with your fixation on psychotherapy and pop psychology things.

Have you ever considered going "heavy duty" on your schizoaffective and trying something like an atypical anti-psychotic for your schizoaffective disorder? Or even trying bilateral or bifrontal ECT? Those are the sorts of things that can help something like schizoaffective. I dont know what meds you are on, I would assume you are on a mood stabilizer of some sort at the least. But schizoaffective disorder is a complicated disease and usually requires polypharmacy...or even hard core ECT to fix it and manage it.

Psychotherapy is only effective for the milder and "non neurological based" forms of mental illness. Such as dysthymia, personality problems, marriage and family problems, personal issues, etc. The problems of living. You dont have a problem of living it sounds like, you have a major psychiatric illness AKA a neurobiological disorder (brain problem). Psychotherapy just doesnt cut the mustard for things like manic depression, schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, severe depression, etc. Thats serious biz and requires serious medications. Or ECT.

Again, Im not coming down on you I am just suggesting some things based upon reading and observing your posts over the past year. I think you are going about this thing all wrong entirely. Ditch the fascination with things psychology...its just making you worse, thinking about yourself more. You need to think about yourself less, which means less therapy and less psychology stuff. Get on some heavy duty meds and bomb that schizoaffective disorder back to the stone age.

take care,

Eric "LostBoyinNC"




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