Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
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Feel so awful I can't stand it anymore

Posted by Peter on January 13, 2003, at 23:17:29

Man! I feel like crawling out of this body. I'm so fed up with this crap. One med combo to the next, one year after the next, nothing working. My pdoc keeps on making promises.
It's been a few months now titrating the lamictal. My doc has been decreasing everything else at the same time, and my moods are worse than ever. After being up to 100mg zoloft for a few months, I started getting impulsive and drinking like a fish, etc...the same thing that's happened on every other SSRI I've been on after a few months. So, pdoc decided to get me off of it; he had me decrease slowly over many weeks to 50mg, but then he had me go from 50mg to nothing in 1 week. I've been off it now for 10 days, and I still feel like I'm dying: These crazy electric shock sensations keep going through my arms and legs and hands. I get throbbing headaches, body aches; I've been getting so depressed that sometimes I can't even lift my head up & I just sit there thinking about how distant 'reality' seems and how hopeless I am-like I'm gonna keep on going around these experimental drug trials but never reach any state where I could function in the world. I've been on 50mg lamictal for weeks, but when my doc told me to go up to 62.5 and then 75mg, I got more depressed and agitated and these wierd physical symptoms got worse. So I've been seeing this same doc since '97 and he insists I'm 'mild bipolar,' and keeps pushing anticonvulsants on me (and Lithium), and he can't seem to get it into his head that maybe the reason why none of them work is because they're not the right type of med for me! I've also been diagnosed w/ ADD + SP, and I take adderall (he just told me to drop 10mg off my 40mg dose-which seems like a lot at once), klonopin (3mg), depakote (went from 750mg to 250mg over a few weeks), ambien+temazepam for sleep. What I don't get is he doesn't seem to know what he's doing. I've had 3 other consultations over the years w/other doctors-they all tell me something different; one said I'm 'unspecified' bipolar, another said I'm not ADD, another said I'm not bipolar at all (no signs of mania or hypomania) but depressive anxiety is at the core of my illness. This last one I mentioned said I should get off the mood-stabilizers already and try a TCA-a class of antidepressant that might work well for me since the SSRI's don't (in the long run). Who am I supposed to listen to? I'm so sick of this. I asked my pharmacist for a list of meds I've taken since I started seeing this pdoc, and it's 8 pages long, fine print. I've never felt like such a lab rat in my life. Meanwhile I'm completely dysfunctional-I'm a musician and I can't play or compose anymore, can't get a job. I really don't know what to do; I'm at the end of my rope. I thought I'd either check into that Columbia-Cornell psychiatric evaluation program or go to another doc altogether and just leave this one I've been seeing for 7years once and for all. Has anyone heard of this guy Dr. James Kocsis in NYC? Another doctor gave his name to me as a suggestion to start fresh. Or Dr. Frank Miller in NYC? I don't know, I'm just miserable.




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