Posted by adamie19 on December 9, 2002, at 23:53:36
before paxil i was dealing with severe suicidal unipolar chemical depression, anxiety, all thanks to the most dangerous drug in the world... accutane. which has been known to ruin many people's lives as it screws up brain function perminently in rare cases. one dose of this med is equal to 40 times the daily recommended dose of vitamin A. is vitamin A in overdose toxic? do some research and yes it very much is.
anyway i had gone through like 16 medications and at the end of the hope train. hope was pretty much all gone. i went on paxil when my mental illness was at one of it's strongest period's ever. no one could live the way i did. yet i survived 7 months or whatever it was of the worst pain imaginable. then as suicide plans were being thought up. computer files being deleted. planning for the very near 'non' future... i started paxil.... things started to get a tiny bit better after just 1 week. on the 20 mg dose. (i could never afford anything more). tiny motivation to live arrived. more ability to wait out each torturous day. by the 3rd week things really began to change. it wasn't so extremely painful to live anymore... but the big pain was still there. then lets just say it turned 'okay' at 5 weeks or so. okay as in not suicidal and just mildly living... even if it meant just watching tv and having no hobbies due to still a big lack of any initiative, sense of enjoyment, or motivation. 7 weeks in (estimating...) it began to turn amazing. hobbies i began to have. i began to be able to hold interest in things. and heck 2 and a half months or so... i been FEELING GREAT. and this was like 2-3 months ago :).
now i am kicked out of my house. in between homes. not living on the streets but hey i will be fine. the thing is... no matter how bad things can get.. i am able to stay so positive and anxiety free on this paxil. it has been an amazing life saver. i am so full of life, energy, humor, PASSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and much more. i am not my 'normal' self as i was before the accutane wrecked my brain but.. it's as close as it gets at times. i still live a limited life but at least it's one which i can very much enjoy. despite sometimes still having tough down periods. it's hard to say really. if i had a higher dose heck maybe i'd feel amazing. but some things we cant all afford can we? it would be amazing... and my health is most important... but if i cant afford it then that's that. 160 a month for a higher paxil dose... canadian... is too much for me to handle. i'd be on the streets then.
but i am just here to say dont be discouraged by some of the negative paxil trash talk. some of it is quite silly. AD's work for people with mental illness. not people who are just 'sad' over something. it doesn't work that way. they are powerful meds intended for only certain people. gee it's hard for me to orgasm and sex doesnt feel nearly as good as it should BUT I DONT GIVE A care.... regarding that. my happiness is most important. and some act of sex that takes what 30 mins to 1 hour... is not someone's entire life. so stop complaining about sex u people. geeze. it's like as if u were born without a 'peni-' you'd kill yourself? or should i say it was bitten off by a vengeful ex? i certainly wouldnt care much. sex can be great and amazing even but u know what? so is being able to just be alive without a ton of worries on your mind. to just be able to lay in a bed and relax in the gentle softness. to be able to eat food and enjoy it due to having taste buds. people take things for granted far too much. cant have much fun with sex? learn to snuggle... it's the best and most intimate thing in the world. well see ya