Posted by BarbaraCat on November 21, 2002, at 10:49:36
In reply to Re: Just Diagnosed ad discontiouation » lostsailor, posted by BarbaraCat on November 12, 2002, at 22:45:28
I've experienced mind music for many years, not all the time and not even during any discernable blip in my mental state. Does it feel like you're wearning especially great stereo headphones and the music is very clear? Sometimes I wake up with it, almost on the tail end of a dream but can't remember it because it's so complex and layered. It's always very beautiful music of orchestral grandeur, soaring ecstatic choral passages with unpredictable and delightful musical turns of phrase. I feel like I'm totally present and marvelling at this rapturous enthralling music which is more real than anything in my surrounding. And then it fades away. I love having these private concerts and for a long time when I was young I believed the angels were joyfully singing among themselves and wondered I was able to hear their music. I didn't think it at all odd that no one else could hear it, only odd that I could. No matter what I'm emotionally feeling, this transcendant music can lift me and illuminate me and I wish it visited me more frequently. When it's gone, it visits and then vanishes like a deja-vu, and only an echo of a memory is left. I've come to be much more cynical and suspect that it's probably only a spiking auditory neuron. But what a lovely form for a dissident neural blip to take.
This is different from the buzzy crackling static I also hear when I'm frazzled and manic, but that's not so much a inner sound/music as it is a hollow ringing discordancy truly like the clanging of raw nerve endings banging against each other, or a blanket of murky brownish gray static electricity that creates interferrence patterns with all signals coming in and going out. Definitely not the sublime coherent sweetness as with the Angel's music.