Posted by Anna Laura on November 17, 2002, at 18:37:54
hi eveybody
i've not been posting for a while (since July, mea culpa).
i had SPECT and MRi done in the meanwhile (SPECT scan showed basal ganglia hypoperfusion); also took a couple of long and expensive trips to a University Clinic to confirm my bipolar II dx. I swore to myself i was not going to come back without positive news (didn't want to self indulge in depression misery either, but here i go again).I came down from Effexor in the meanwhile (very very slowly rom 300 mg. to 75 in a five month period!); the last tiny dose was a bitch to get rid of. I dropped it last week.
I'm on Tegretol (400 mg) since Monday (almost a week from now). Side effects: sleepiness and mild mental confusion (difficulties in word finding and poor memory one of the most annoying symptoms). Don't find it a durty drug though (sound pretty "natural", unlike the AP's and even some AD's).
It might sound a bit egotistic i know, but i desperately need to hear some positive stories on bipolar II, please.
Sorry Need to be a little longer sharing some details, just in case.
I've been told i've got a mild form of the illness, being stuck in this black hole for twelve years by now with no true hypomanias (just subtle cyclings and irritability). I was exuberant and hyperthymic before i got depressed as a young adult; turned ravenously hypomanic before turning 21, it lasted several months (!!) and then crushed in to depression: i never got even barely "normal" after that .
I mean, i've been much more depressed then now (psychotic delusional depression and such), but still, this is not life. Anhedonia and lack of sexual life are killing me. missing anxiety and even terror, no kidding.
and i desperately need to have myself back this dim, fading and lobotomizied personality that has grown out of depression throughout all these years is the worst thing to tolerate other then anhedonia;
i finally met a pdoc two days ago who's willing to prescribe me the meds i want (dopaminergic, stimulants and even naltrexone in case mood stabiliers would fail);
O.K. the problem now is that i'm starting to think i'm just fooling myself, right after reaching my "goal" (the right dx, pdoc open to med trials).
Not long ago i was still persuaded my main problem being not reaching out for the "new" or "unusual" drugs, (pdocs were unwilling to prescribe dopaminergic drugs and newer mood stabilizers here in Italy where i live) .
But now I'm doubting all the drugs available will ever bring even partial relief, having roughly the same effect on me and i'm starting to think that my brain is gonna be depression-wired until i pass over.I didn't want to bother so i searched in to the archives but i seem to selectively choose the worst threads, can't find a single positive post especially about my med Tegretol (i know this happens when i'm tuned on negative thinking, i literally can't see postive things around me, so i end up picking the worst ones) .
meds taken so far:
Tofranil, Mellaril, Modaline (fenotiazine), Zoloft, Prozac, atypical AP's (levosulpiride), Effexor, Zyban
a hug to everyone on board
poster:Anna Laura
thread:128048
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20021116/msgs/128048.html